Lo, children ARE a heritage of the Lord!

As I await the arrival of our fifth child, knowing that the moment could come any day now when we will welcome him into this world, I cannot help but sit back and revel in the wonder of this new life and of the veritable miracle that all of my children are.

As I’ve mentioned before, our lives are built within a framework largely designed by the society and culture in which we live.  In the past, this framework had molded within me an idea about children.  This framework contained a formula of things necessary to consider relative to children.  If a+b=c, then one should have children.  If c=d+f-e, however, you’d better limit the number of children you have to one or two…if a+b=z, well then, you might as well do everything within your power NOT to have children.  Ever.

The factors, or multiples, addends, minuends (or any other “ends”) all represent what I like to refer to these days as “ducks”.  Ducks that we all often feel must be “in a row” before moving forward with a plan.  These factors include not only practical things like money, homes, vehicles, job situations, insurance, etc. (all of which God has promised to provide, mind you) but also the desires that each of us has—our plans, hopes, dreams, and personal goals.

It has surprised many people to learn that I never dreamed of having a bunch of kids (why else would she? They must wonder.)  The truth is that 12 years ago I didn’t want children.  Ever.  The formula just didn’t add up for me.  Frankly, kids were an annoyance at best—not that I spent much time around them to know.  I was never one to see a child, or even a small baby, and say, “Oh cute!”   My heart had no room for little souls or the dirty, needy little bodies they inhabited.  No, I was quite focused on the plans I had for my future.  God had given me brains and intellect; surely He wanted me to use it.  I had many passions for things that I thought one day I would excel at if given the time and opportunity to focus on and develop them, which is what I fully intended to do.    I truly thought that someday I would do “something great”, that I would make a name for myself in the world (Tower of babel, anyone?) and leave an imprint somehow on it. 

None of my goals and dreams included children, they couldn’t accommodate children, at least not for many, many years.  So, 10 years ago, when God began to stir within my heart questions like  “Do you really trust me?” and “Do you really want the plan that I have for you?”  (Jer. 29:11)  I had to take a good, hard look at myself.  I claimed that I trusted God, I professed that “HE knew best”.  I thought that I wanted His plan and believed that I was doing all I had to do to accomplish it…I confessed that I wanted Him to be IN CONTROL of my life…

Yet, He pointed out clearly to me that there was something that I had not given to Him, something that I didn’t really trust Him with, something I was taking 99.9% of control of…and that was the possibility of having children.

While I didn’t see how it could possibly fit into my life and what I thought God’s plans were for me, I had to face it.  Was I really willing to follow Him anywhere?  Did I really believe that His plans for me were the best, even if they looked entirely different from what I had always imagined?

 

Make no mistake.  Just the thought of it was almost horrifying at the beginning.  First of all, I had no natural love or affection for children, but rather the opposite—how could I ever be a good mother?   Secondly, I thought that I knew myself, and well enough to know my gifts and abilities and therefore the direction in which God was leading me, what He was calling me to do…surely God wouldn’t give me children if He didn’t want me to have them…but did I believe that?  Did I trust Him enough to “let go”.  Believe me when I say that I wrestled with Him over this one.  I prayed and prayed, searched the Word and studied it.  

As much as I was trying to find a way out, I was also trying to find the truth, and it didn’t take long to realize that I DID want God’s way, whatever that meant.   Through scripture, not only did I see that God DID (and does) have a plan for me, but that it was GOOD.  I saw verse after verse that told me His intentions for me were GOOD, that He is the giver of every good thing. 

I also began to understand that even though I thought I knew myself quite well, I really had no clue.  God, who created me, knows every detail.  He knows my capabilities, my heart, and most of all He knows what I really want, and what I'm created to do.  In fact, He has shown himself quite capable of “giving me the desires of my heart” when I delight in Him and have committed my way to Him (Psalm 37:3-5)   He showed me that, on its own, my heart is deceitful above all  (Jer. 17:9 ) and really can’t be trusted or even known!  

So, I knew that I wanted His plan and not any plan of my own, but still I wondered…what about biology?  If I “let go and let God” wouldn’t my body just naturally conceive and conceive and conceive?  could God, would God, usurp control over His design?  My first thought was of my own parents, who tried desperately to have children for 10 years, had my brother, three years later had me, tried and tried for more (the goal was eight!) but couldn’t.  It wasn’t necessarily a given that not taking control meant a million kids.  Throughout the bible I read story after story in which God “opened and closed the wombs of women”!  (Sarah, Rebekah, Leah, Rachel, Hannah, Samson’s mother, Ruth, Elisabeth…) My God is the same God that He was back then!!!  If He didn’t want me to have children, He has the power to close my womb (boy was that a relief!)

But the Word of God didn’t just stop there…throughout those stories, I saw the yearning of these women, who couldn’t conceive, to bear children, their heartache was apparent.  I read verses that spoke of children as a BLESSING.  A Heritage.  A reward… (Proverbs 127:3-5)

What the heck was wrong with me?  Where had I gotten the notion that children were nothing but a burdensome responsibility, an inconvenience, and that having children was something less than “great”, second rate to a career or accomplishing some personal goal?  It’s clear to see now that the society and culture we live in builds that framework for us. 

I went forward excited, trepidations notwithstanding,  knowing that whatever God had in mind was exactly what I wanted for my life, knowing that He was fully capable of controlling and directing my life and in a way that far surpassed my own abilities.  

A couple months later I found that I was 8 weeks pregnant.  And you know what?  God had given me a desire for that baby, a love that I would have never fathomed, from the very first moment that I knew of him.  While many people questioned me, obviously disappointed that I was “wasting my gifts” by becoming a mother, I went forward enthusiastically knowing that this was God’s good and perfect will for me.  People very near and dear to me cried when I told them that I would not continue earning my degree, because it was clear that God wanted me to be a mother and MOTHER is what I would be.  

In an instant, all of my dreams and plans changed.  They didn’t simply disappear, but they were traded in for something better and because I knew that God had designed it, I knew that it was going to bring me more joy and fulfillment than anything else could.  And it has.  Each child that God has added to this family has multiplied the love and the joy that I experience.  I have struggled over the years to hold fast to this faith, I’ve been afraid of giants, I’ve felt the need to put my ducks all in a row, I’ve caved under pressure from people who think I’m nuts…

But then I’ve remembered…and repented.  And have been blessed beyond measure!

While all children are indeed miracles, my children are that and so much more…to me, they are constant reminders of God’s grace, of His goodness, and power to change me from what I was to what I am, giving me the chance to enjoy this wonderful life that I never would have known. They are a reminder that regardless of how different it looks compared to the world, His plan is so much better and worth following wholeheartedly!

Pondering "HOLINESS"

2011

As I read through Old Testament scripture, I keep seeing the word “holy” and something is stirring in my mind.  Something penetrating, causing me to question this word that I have heard and read so many times, and believing that I understood the meaning…at least in part.  What is “holy”?  

God is.  

We cannot be holy.   At least that is the premise of my thoughts on holiness to date.  Like many other words that describe God and make him distinct from man, using words in my own language in spite of their relative insufficiency for the job: perfect, righteous, pure…none of which we can be. 

But as I read through the book of Exodus, I am seeing this word “holy” used as an adjective to describe a variety of things that aren’t God.  The anointing oil which God told the Israelites to create for one very special purpose and to be used for nothing else, never to be replicated; the perfume which God designed for the temple and again set it apart from all other perfumes, never to be made by anyone but the priest, or used outside of the temple; The Ark of the Covenant and the room in which it was to be kept, the “Holiest of Holies”; the Sabbath, or seventh day is also  called holy, to be set apart, distinct from all other days.  What makes these holy?  Is there something intrinsic about any of these things (with the exception of the Sabbath) which have been made by human hands?  

The only commonality among this variety of things called “holy” is that God set them apart.  God himself made a distinction between these things and others like them.  There are many oils commonly used, especially in the days of Moses, but this oil God said was to be set apart for God’s intended use; the perfume likewise.  There were many beautifully hand crafted items within the temple, but the Ark of the Covenant was set aside by God for a distinct purpose.  There are seven days in the week, but the seventh God set apart from the rest for a distinct purpose.  Is it holy because God rested thereon?  Or did God rest thereon to set an example for us, showing us the purpose for that day? 

With these thoughts in mind, what is holiness if not an attribute of God?  Is God like anything else that we humans know, see, hear, or experience?  No.  He is set apart, high above, by far exceeding any other god, man, or other created thing.  He is Holy.

What about us?  What am I to think of the holiness of His people in light of these thoughts?

Actually, it makes so much more sense perceiving our holiness, my own holiness, in light of this... 

We are not holy because of any intrinsic value we hold, or because of anything that we have done or will do, but because God has set us apart from the rest of the world and called us Holy.  Like the oil and perfume of the temple, we are all different blends of the same product, really.  But God has set us apart from the rest for a distinct purpose.  What God has created in the hearts of those whom he has indwelt with His Spirit is something that cannot be replicated by the rest of the world, no matter how hard they try to do the works or be used for the same purpose, they cannot replicate what God has done in those of us who follow him, those whom he has set apart and called Holy…those whom he has planned to use for His purpose.  

This vessel that my soul indwells is nothing special, not very different from many other vessels like it, but God himself has set it aside from the rest for a reason, with a distinct purpose in mind—not to be used for any other.  He has made it fit for that purpose and empowered it to that end. That is what makes me holy.  And that is exciting!

Giving Thanks

It’s easy for me to list things that I’m thankful for.  The list is HUGE.  And quite likely, it would look very similar to most people’s lists…so, in honor of Thanksgiving, I thought that instead of doing the obvious, I would challenge myself to an exercise of Thanksgiving that includes things I never feel very thankful for.

Here goes.

I’m thankful for the never-ending laundry at our house…because it reminds me that I have fun, busy, creative little children who one day I will miss terribly, dirty clothes and all!

I’m thankful for dirty dishes…because on them we have enjoyed three or more delicious meals a day.  That is certainly worth a little dirty work.

I’m thankful for the pile of clothes by my husband’s side of the bed…because he’s here.

I’m thankful for vacuuming, sweeping, and mopping…because we have nice flooring to keep clean and not bare cement or hard-packed earth.

I’m thankful for toilet cleaning…because I really wouldn’t enjoy walking to an outhouse in the middle of winter.    : |  

I’m thankful for the noise in my house that so often gives me headaches…because some day those voices won’t be heard every day.

I’m thankful that our house is quickly becoming too small for us…because it means we’re being blessed and rewarded (Psalm 127:3).

I’m thankful for the times I’ve failed miserably…because of them I’ve experienced God’s love and forgiveness and the love and forgiveness of my family and friends.  

I’m thankful for the mistakes I’ve made…because I’ve learned from them and have been given opportunities to teach others to avoid them. And I’m thankful for the grace that I’ve been given to give to others through them.

I’m thankful for the fact that moments of fear are recurring…because they keep me turning to Him.

I'm thankful for sickness...because it's when I'm sick that I remember: God is my healer.

I’m thankful that I don’t have it all figured out…because learning is an adventure.

I’m thankful for hard work…because it makes me really appreciate rest.  (I really do mean this, especially after being so lazy and unproductive the last few months!  I’m pretty sure that too much rest is worse than hard work.)

I’m thankful that I’m short…because…ummm…hmmm

                   Maybe I’ll come back to that one later.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

1 Thessalonians 5:18

In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Food for thought

Last night I was re-reading some things I’d written last year and came across some thoughts that I found interesting.  And because it is, in a sense, about food I thought it appropriate to share it this Thanksgiving week, as we will all be out shopping for our perfect holiday meal.

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Here I am again.  Lamenting the fact that people are people and that people are imperfect sinners—regardless of how good they may seem to be.  And because my mind is once again unable to focus and think, I am writing with the hope that the scattered messages in my brain will find their way out through my fingertips.  

There is no good reason for this to bother me, not even a little.  It is quite clear to me that it shouldn’t matter what people think, for to care is pride and with such pride comes hypocrisy based change, whether I like it or not, and that cannot be the motivation behind my choices and actions.   So, understanding this fine point, why is it that it bothers me to know that “people talk”?

And why is it that people judge others based on their own standards?  

Standards.   I just watched a very intriguing show on food network that had something to do with standards and how entirely ridiculous they can be.  Four highly respected chefs were given a challenge to prepare a four course meal from what we consider “garbage” for a hundred guests.  To find the garbage they would use to prepare this meal, they traveled from store to store, market to market, and farm to farm to find meat, produce, and other products that were destined for the trash, as consumers like us refused to take and use them.   What these chefs found in the city of New York was astonishing.  Tons of food was thrown out daily by restaurants, stores, and markets, and up to 50% of the produce grown by local farmers was tossed into the compost pile.  Why?  Because these products didn’t measure up to the standards that we Americans are accustomed to.  A single blemish or spot, inconsistency in size, shape, or color and that fruit or vegetable is not considered acceptable and therefore not chosen.  

It seems reasonable enough.  We judge the quality of what’s before us by what we see, first and foremost. And we don’t want to invest in anything that’s sub-par.  I don’t know anyone who would choose a bruised apple over a perfect, spotless, shiny apple.  We quickly look through bins of produce, judge what looks “good”, pick what we deem “the best”, and cast aside the rest. 

How often are we guilty of doing this in life also?  How often do we do this with people that we come across at work, at school, and at church?

I cannot fault a person for being a person, for acting like a person.  So what I will focus on is the person who is no longer merely a person, but born again as a new creation, filled with the Spirit of God.  How often do you suppose a person of God does this in life?

How often do we go to church and view our fellow members as we might products at a grocery store?  We have standards after all…we should have standards shouldn’t we?                    

...So, we look about us, at those in front, those behind, those beside us, we see the tomatoes, the potatoes, the squash, the peaches…many of them look perfect and beautiful.  But some of them have apparent spots, maybe some bruises, perhaps the skin that we see isn’t the exact shade of the color we would expect to see in that particular fruit, or maybe the piece of meat that we see in pew number three looks a bit bony and lean for our taste.  So, naturally we avert our attention from those with obvious imperfections.   Furthermore, we can’t see how produce like that can, or should, even be used!    We turn our nose up to it and never expect much from it.   

We may see a prepackaged product, like cheese, in pew eight with an expiration date that is dated yesterday, and we think, ‘gee, that should have been used  already’, and we fear that it has gone bad and thus ignore the cheese, picking its neighbor in pew nine that still has potential.  We don’t realize that the cheese will still be good and that the expiration date is only another man’s standard.

When those four renowned chefs, who regularly toss expensive cuts of meat into the garbage because they’re not cut or cooked PERFECTLY and thus not fit to serve by their own standards, had no other choice but to use what they normally would consider “garbage”, they were astounded by the quality they found.  As they picked bruised peaches up off the ground from under the tree instead of the beautiful ones yet on the branches, they tasted flesh that seemed sweeter than normal.  Tomatoes with unsightly cracks were deemed juicier than most and purposed for a delicious sauce.  The meat that couldn’t be sold because it was too bony was acclaimed for its rich depth of flavor and tenderness.

As I watched this show, I wondered, ‘what are we missing out on by the standards we have set, by the standards that drive our judgments, our choices, and ultimately what we add to our life?’ 

In relationships, what are we missing out on by the standards we have set and judge others by?  Are we avoiding the tenderest of souls because to our eye they lack the meat we expect to see in a good cut of beef?  Do we miss out on the sweetest hearts because their bodies--or how they dress them-- do not meet our standards?  because they don’t look like the fruit that we expect to see sitting in a church pew...have we missed out on knowing a soul so filled with God’s grace and mercy that they are juicy with God’s love? and if we only took the chance to enjoy it, that love and grace might just pour over us.

 

I am speaking in generalities here, not of myself.  There is no way for me to say whether I am a tender piece of meat, a juicy tomato, or a sweet peach…only God can judge my heart and know me; to my own inward facing eye, I am undesirable.  My flaws are apparent and even I don’t want me much of the time! but I know that God does and that He intends to use me, and it never ceases to amaze me that He could find a purpose for someone like me! 

What I am saying here is that by judging others by our standards, by what we expect to see or think is best, or fitting for a purpose, we can easily miss out on those whom God intends to use for a sweet and flavorful purpose.  And it’s truly our loss!  God created each of us; He has a purpose for each of us.  Certainly some of us are His “show pieces”, meant to set a quiet example to the rest, a perfect garnish; but many of us are bruised and imperfect, maybe left a little long on the vine or exposed to the sun’s harsh rays, slightly discolored, or tough, but will be peeled and used to create a rich and satisfying sauce or a delicious dessert!    

Sadly, the ones we view as “perfect” are often those who have the highest of standards by which they judge, the ones who seem eager to serve only the best, never wanting to be known for anything “less than perfect”…

…but they seem to forget that they are not the Chefs in this story. None of us are.  We are all purchased items, to be used by the greatest Chef of all--the only Chef who can make something beautiful out of nothing.