Sometimes He's working through us.
Sometimes He's working in us.
When He's working through us it is exciting. So exciting. It's the mountain top experience every believer lives for. Invigorating. Refreshing. We breath Him in like the freshest air. Our view and perspective vast and clear; our understanding sure and true. It's beautiful from the mountain top, and secure, when we are moving to the sound of His voice. When we are His hands and feet in the lives of others. When we, and the world, can see Him in us.
When He's working in us...
When He's working in us there is a certain stillness. A quietness wherein we feel as though He has stepped away. He leads us away from the splendid views of the mountain and into the valley where the only thing to see is ourselves. The air feels heavy and oppressive. The voice that spoke on the mountain seems as distant as the span between, and around every corner lies unexpected and frightening things. Mostly mirrors. Mirrors that show us who we really are. Mirrors that show us weak and wounded, dying bodies in desperate need of further healing.
When He's working in us joy seems to be lost. "Blessing" is re-defined as we begin to understand that the difficulties we face are exposing things previously unseen. Exposing our hearts, our motivations, our deepest desires, and a lack of faith in God's promises and character. Worst of all the valley exposes our pride.
One day, one month, one year or decade, God is using you mightily, revealing himself daily, intimately speaking words of love, like a shepherd guiding you...taking you to the top-most places to show you what He has for you.
Then the next day, month, year...He is silent and still, perspective is lost in the crags, in the dark crevices, and you begin to wonder is he still going to take me there? What about all that showed me? Where is He? Faith begins to wane, and hope if you let it. Faith becomes an exercise in discipline. A constant, conscious effort to remember God is. God is who He is. God is here. God is planning for me. God is in control.
Day in and day out, one thing after another, arrow after steadfast arrow, corner after corner, wearing down the glow, the reflection of which you begin to realize you'd grown too fond of, proud of even. A reflection that was not yours at all, but Jesus'. Your reflection, you see in this place, is not glowing, is not lovely, you would rather not see it again.
You once did so much. Up there. When God was working through you. But now you don't have anything to offer. The words you once spoke so fluently to teach, to admonish, to encourage, the words His voice spoke into your ear, fall silent. You yearn for them. You yearn to hear His voice. You hunger for it. You thirst for it. But you're too tired to do anything but hope. Hope and wait.
The valley disgusts you...
Until you begin to see that it is here that God works in you. It is here that He sanctifies you and makes you more like Him. It is here where he rips pointless expectations and desires from your heart and replaces them with a desire for Him and Him alone, because with Him everything is good. It is here, and only here, where you will cry out and pray,
"Captivate me, Jesus, with you!
Let everything be lost in the shadow
of the light of your face.
Let every yoke be broken from me,
as I'm bound in your grace.
Your face is beautiful
And Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
There inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee
Your voice is powerful
And Your words are radiant bright
In Your breath and shadow
I will come close and abide
You whisper love and life divine
And Your fellowship is free
Draw me closer O my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee
Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You"
"Captivate Us" by Watermark
This has been my heart's prayer this year. I'm sorry for the quiet, the lack of sharing.
God has been busy working in me.
