Far From Perfect

Tonight as I drove home from a women’s rally at the church I grew up in, I prayed.  It’s a good 30 minutes from (old) home to (new) home, and there has been so much that I have needed to devote some serious time of prayer to.   I couldn’t ignore that drive as a perfect opportunity--anyone with children will understand how hard it can be to really pray with kids running around!  Throughout the day I talk to God often, much like I talk to myself… As I cook or clean, I talk to God about what’s on my mind, I pray for the people that are on my heart, I pray for grace to 'deal with' my family…but you know, sometimes I feel that I need more than “small talk” with God, I need to get on my knees and plead with Him for people, situations, for help…

Tonight was one of those nights for sure.  Our family is in an interesting place right now, without going too much into detail I can safely say that my husband and I seem to be on different pages regarding a few things, and it is a huge burden on my heart.  God has given me a clear vision of what our family and life is supposed to be and look like, yet while my husband agrees with me he seems to lack the conviction that would motivate action.  Maybe this doesn’t make sense without the details…I don’t know, but I don't want to be a tale bearer!  Nonetheless, I was praying for my children—because more than anything I KNOW that I have been called to raise these kids up for the glory of God, in a way that will honor Him, to become children who will be “heroes of faith” (even if no one knows it but God!).  I don’t want them to be successful in this world.  No.  I want them to be successful for God’s Kingdom.  I don’t want for them to do whatever they dream of doing; I want them to yearn for God with a passion that will drive them to follow Him anywhere, without hesitation.  I want them to trust Him.  I want them to serve with humility.   I want them to be pure, to know that they have a purpose in Christ, that they are loved in Christ, desired by Him…I want them to know that God is the provider of everything we need.  And I want for them to know God and His provision, God and His plans.  I want my kids to see in our life and how we live it, evidence of God’s work, of His provision, of His plans unfolding in and through us...I do not want to fail to accomplish this.

As I prayed I had to shake my head remembering all of the compliments that I have been given, and heard just tonight, on my parenting.  “Your kids are so well behaved.  You’re such a wonderful mother.”  “I don’t know how you do it, you are such a great mom.”  So on and so forth.  I’m honored.  But I swear that if any of the people who have told me what a wonderful mother I am could see the day-to-day, could see my failures and weaknesses, they would be astounded that my kids are functional! 

The thought that came to mind as I thought about this was that it’s much like a cake I once made.  I followed the recipe, but, distracted as I was, used too much cocoa, left out some of the sugar, added too much salt, and accidently ground pepper into my salted caramel frosting…no kidding.

But the cake somehow turned out good!  Really good!  I messed up every step of the way, but no one knew it (except for my son who saw me grinding the pepper into the frosting and asked “MOM! WHY are you putting pepper in the frosting?!?”   ummm…heh.  “Don’t tell anyone, buddy…”

My parenting is just like that.  Man do I do stupid things sometimes.  I don’t always do what I know I’m supposed to, and sometimes I add too much salt, sometimes I even add things that are definitely NOT supposed to be added:  I yell, I’ve thrown my own fits, I’ve sometimes been a perfect example to them of what NOT to do…but by God’s grace and His faithfulness to keep His promise in Romans 8:28, they’re turning out OK!  

We all fail.  My kids behave very well out in public, but they are truly learning from their own mistakes at home!  They are kids, their characters haven’t been built yet, and God is certainly not finished with them yet.  God’s got something in mind for these children.   What a responsibility we have as parents to work the soil of their hearts, to train them to stay on the straight path, to share God with them and tell them of His victories in our lives and to show them the work He’s doing every day, to build the faith that God is growing in us in them!   

I’m thankful that God can hide the pepper in the frosting and that he can multiply the sweetness in life, even when what we add lacks.  And you know, recognizing where I’ve messed up just makes God’s work in my kids that much more apparent.