A Sense of Perspective

"...out of the seeds of calamity rises a whole crop of new victories."

Polished Corner Posts {part 3}

Polished Corner Posts {part 3}

College, Careers, and Crazy Women!

I'm sorry if that offends you... 
kindof...
But admit it!  You're a little crazier now that you're trying to "do it all".  And frankly, your college years went a long way to making you crazy!
Ask yourself this:  How much of your college experience did you have to "overcome" throughout the subsequent years?  Or maybe you're still overcoming them!
For Christians, the statistics are staggering:  
According to the Barna group, 60% of twenty-somethings say that they were involved in church as a teenager but no longer are.
Other recent polls illustrate that kids are dropping out of church early and for good.
Real world experiences like trial and error (ask Thomas Edison) can teach more valuable lessons than book study, OTJ training is by far a more thorough means of becoming proficient at a skill or job, apprenticeships and mentor-ship offers valuable, one-on-one hands on experience with experts.  
Freedom to learn what you want to learn, how you want to learn it, and plenty of time to put into mastering it is by far more valuable than the education any college has to offer.  
One of my daughters has no real desire to learn anything at this point unless it has something to do with the human body.  She hates to read, it actually pains her (not kidding, she complains about her head and stomach every time she looks at a book, however simple)! But if I draw her a diagram of the vascular system, or show her a picture of a labeled skeleton, then she will read away!  She can barely read at a first grade level, but she can tell you what makes up our blood and what each part does.  :)  If this daughter of mine has a desire to learn about medicine as a teenager, there's nothing that can't be learned at home with the many available resources out there (including online degree programs that she can complete at home).  And if the time comes when she feels called to pursue a higher degree that requires time on a college campus, then that will be her choice! But she will already be more than prepared for rigorous study and she will have the character and spiritual maturity to face the world. 
As I think about how different this approach is from that which most parents take, I actually find it comical how many of their students enter college with NO CLUE about what they want to study, or do with their degree after college, and are merely going because it's what everyone else expects.  As a result, there are many students that either float along in college aimlessly with no motivation or drive to actually learn, and there are students who dive into a course of study they have no natural talent for and end up hating and cannot use in the real world!  On the other hand, there are many students who are very gifted and need only to hone certain skills, or acquire more in-depth knowledge on a particular subject in order to be successful.  
For the first set of students, the question is why push them into it before they even know what they're doing?  Why not give them time and freedom to figure out who the heck they are--because so far all they know is what everyone's been telling them.  
For the second, much smaller group, the question is why do they have to waste so much time on subjects that don't matter?  A concert pianist doesn't need statistics (not that they have to take it, I'm just throwing it out there), and a rocket scientist doesn't need philosophy.  It doesn't hurt them by any means, but why waste their time?  You get my point.  
After reading the statistics, even just the few above, I don't think anyone can make a logical case for the "college experience" being good for their kids.  Sometimes necessary?  Sure.  But good?  no way, Jose.  
And as far as whether or not it's necessary, I think that's something we, especially Christian parents, need to take a long, hard look at.  Let's not only consider all of the options, but also where we are placing our trust and confidence, our hopes!  (hint: our trust and confidence should be in God and His plan, and our hopes should be in His provision for them, not ours)

Just as a personal example, I want to share a little of my story.
I was always a bright kid.  I excelled at school and in music.   I would have easily been at the very top of my class if it hadn't been for math and gym...
When it came to math I struggled to remain in the "advanced class", until I met geometry as a freshmen in H.S. and LOVED IT.  I loved it because it was applied to something relevant to me: architecture and design.  When it came to algebra, I HATED memorizing formulas for no reason other than 'you'll need to know it for the test'.  How many heated discussions did I have over the years with algebra and calculus teachers who couldn't explain to me how I would ever, conceivably, use either in real life! Such a waste of my brain-space!
And gym class...yeah.  Group sports and running were NOT my thing. I was the one you'd find standing in the baseball field, arms crossed, looking ticked off thinking of all I could be doing anywhere else but there!  I would have honestly rather drowned myself in the toilet than play volleyball.   And running the mile?  Psh.  Let's just say that I couldn't have cared less about achievement in gym class! 
But otherwise, I was a smart little cookie!  
My passion, though, was Psychology--even before I knew the word Psychology!  I loved observing people...which definitely made me weird and others uncomfortable.  I watched closely, I listened intently, and I understood them.  In my mind I had people compartmentalized in various groupings, and I could easily pick out the personalities, with character qualities and faults, of almost anyone upon meeting them.  People told me often that I seemed to "read them like a book", and I did!   
As I grew older I began to understand even the people no one understood.  I understood things about them that even they didn't understand.  Many of my peers came to me for advice and for help, hurting people were drawn to me, and I was always able to share some insight and help them to understand themselves and what the "roots" were that were causing their pain or troubles.  This wasn't something I learned from books or classes.  This was a gift and I was certain God meant to use it.
By the time I was a freshman in high school I was such a geek.  A good time to me was sitting by myself writing, or reading through the used college textbooks that I would often find at garage sales.  In my classes at school I was told frequently to put down my college level literature because it wasn't the time or place to read it! Nevertheless, I began to round up all the literature that I could on the pioneers of Psychology, and introductions to psychology, then later more in-depth literature on abnormal psychology, to study in my very limited 'free time'. 
It surprised me how much of what I understood about people had already been defined!   Admittedly, I was a little bit disappointed that very little of what I knew was new (ok, A LOT disappointed), but it was still fun to learn terminology for ideas and principles that I had known for years.  I could diagnose people that I knew, characters in movies (yes, I did), and felt confident that Psychology was the field I was destined for.  I found myself fascinated by the psychology of evil people, and knew that I could come to understand them.
My personal hope was not necessarily to help people...not in a counseling or therapeutic setting, but to focus on research and developing a deeper understanding of abnormal psychology holistically.  I wanted to bring together biblical and spiritual truths about our souls, about sin and evil, and conjoin it with the physical, the physiological aspects of psychological problems.  I wanted to write books and be a pioneer!  To make a name for myself...
But then God called me to motherhood   :)  and I exchanged one dream for another.
So many people were upset with  me when I chose to get married and have children.  "What a waste" was the common theme.  And yes, I too wondered if I was wasting something valuable by not pursuing what I thought I should do, what I seemed to be gifted at. 
Now, I don't have a doctorate in psychology or even a license to counsel...but guess what?  God has continued to put people in my life who I counsel regularly. Not only my children, but random people with real psychological problems, real needs, have come into my life who have needed what I can give them.  No, God's not using my gifts in the way I thought He would, but He is using them!!!!   And I didn't have to waste a bunch of time and money for Him to do it!   
By NOT continuing with college, I know exactly what I've avoided.  In the short year I spent on campus, I was hassled, and even knowing I was a married woman, a classmate made sexual advances...in the campus library! (I guess I was naive to not expect it)  I'm glad God spared me 4-6 years of that.   
I also avoided having to choose between a career that I love and the family that I love.  Everyone who knows me knows that I don't do anything just a little...I put my whole heart into anything I set it on.  There is no way around it, I would have had to choose where to put my heart, and I'm soooo eternally glad that I didn't have to make that choice later on down the road.   I'm so thankful that God caught me when He did and convinced me to trust Him!   Because this life.  This life is so, unbelievably good.  There is absolutely nothing that I have sacrificed, and I have gained everything.
THAT is what I want for my daughters.







70% of Protestants ages 18 to 30 quit church by age 23, says another.

An estimated 4% of the “bridger” generation, or Gen Y, will be Bible-believing Christians when they reach adulthood. Their grandparents’ generation: 65%. Their parents’ generation: 35%. (Bridger Generation by Thom S. Rainer). - See more at: http://youthministry.com/everybody-you-know-should-know-these-stats/#sthash.VQcnkaze.dpuf

Seven in 10 Protestants ages 18 to 30 — both evangelical and mainline — who went to church regularly in high school said they quit attending by age 23, according to the survey by LifeWay Research. And 34% of those said they had not returned, even sporadically, by age 30. 

"Unless religious leaders take younger adults more seriously, the future of American religion is in doubt," says Princeton sociologist Robert Wuthnow in his book After the Baby Boomers.  The proportion of young adults identifying with mainline churches, he says, is "about half the size it was a generation ago. Evangelical Protestants have barely held their own." 

These statistics don't even cover the fact that so many "Christian kids" go to college and in their new-found freedom dabble in sinful behaviors that their parents have spent years trying to protect them from! Resulting in years of regret and restoration...

And then there are far more disturbing statistics that pertain only to young women in college:

A report entitled "The Sexual Victimization of Women in College" by the NIJ can be read here:  https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/182369.pdf 

The forward reads, "College campuses host large concentrations of young women who are at greater risk for rape and other forms of sexual assault than women in the general population or in a comparable age group."

According to this extensive study, 1 in 10 college women reported being raped, another 1 in 10 reported an attempted rape, and when combining all other forms of sexual victimization included in the study a whopping 1 in 3 women reported being sexually victimized!    Considering that during the course of this study there were only about 91% respondents, that figure could reasonably be higher.  

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be willing to toss my child into a pool of sharks simply because she hit the magic age of 18 and I want her to learn how to swim with the other fishes, (if she can swim, surely she can swim with other fishes...who needs the shark pool?)

One of my primary goals as a mother is to keep my children safe and innocent (which is pretty darn hard to do in this world we live in).  Innocent physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The first step of this is keeping them safe from abuse.  (The consequences of sexual abuse in any form can NOT be overstated)

I also want my children to maintain their innocence and purity in how they interact with other kids, how they think, and how they dress.  Certainly there are levels of "modesty" out there, and I do not claim to know some "right way" to dress.  But I do know what my girls are inherently uncomfortable wearing in public, and I'd like for it to stay that way!   {more on this topic in a later post}

As far as how they think, it is much easier to protect their little minds without television and movies, or the "socialization" offered by public schools across the country.  Almost every "kid-friendly" show out there today seems to have content involving boyfriends and girlfriends, glorifying these ridiculous relationships between children.  In classrooms and sleepovers all over the country (even in our very own AWANA club at church) you can find girls oogling over boys, or boys oogling over girls...how is that innocent?  Is it natural for a girl to find a boy attractive?  Sure, and Vice-versa.  But to say that a group of nine year old girls passing around pictures of boy-band members and sharing which one they think is "hot" is normal or ok?  I think not!  Unfortunately this only gets worse as they get older. {still more for another post}

The world is a secs-pool.   And you know what?  My little women don't know what they're missing by not being a part of it.  They are happy and content living life to its fullest without all of the distractions.  Heck, they have enough sin issues of their own to deal with being as sheltered as they are, I don't want to expose them to more.  And they are blasted with potentially sexually-victimizing material every time we go through the grocery store checkout aisle.  (Exposing children to pornographic images IS actually considered a form of sexual abuse, just FYI)  That's enough "risk" thank you very much.

So how can a young lady grow to be a successful woman without attending college?  I know you're wondering, because the world says it's the only way.  

Once again, I want to stress the importance of preparing our girls to be WOMEN.  WIVES.  MOTHERS.  Anything else is merely secondary in importance and value.  Maybe God will call your daughter to be a rocket scientist, and if He does He will guide her safely into it, and equip her with intelligence and opportunities to learn what she needs to learn, when she needs to learn it.  

But if your daughter would be happy to be a successful wife and mother, why not equip her to do that?  Why push her in a direction that will take her on a detour from which she'll have to backtrack to get to where she wants to be and should be?  Why push her to years of study and hard work and financial investment towards something she will have to choose to forsake in order to be a wife and mother, or will otherwise cause her to ignore the draw of her heart to invest fully in her family?   Why do that?

Frankly, anything that anyone, our daughters included, wants to learn, can easily be learned without going to college.  College textbooks are available to everyone, and can even be purchased used for a fraction of the cost, and the material can be learned just as well on one's own, without tests and lectures, believe it or not   ;)  If it's a professor that you find necessary, let me inform you, there are a great many  resources available from people far more intelligent and knowledgeable than the average professor!   

Polished Corner Posts--part 2

As I consider the future of my girls, contemplate what I want for them, what I hope they will accomplish, the gifts that I pray they will develop in order to serve God, and as I begin to see who they are at heart and what their desires are, what they dream of, I can only come to one conclusion.

I don't want any of it for them.

What I mean is that more than any of that, I want God's plans for them.

It is so common for people to direct their children's paths according to their own purposes and dreams, and this might be ok if any of us were perfect at hearing God's voice and obeying it! But let's face it, we're not.  I don't want to even think that I might guide my daughters into a life that diametrically opposes the life God had for them. And, yes, I think that is definitely possible and happens more often than not!

Similarly, my girls' dreams are precious to me.  The things that they would like to "be when they grow up" put a smile on my face, and I hope that they will grow up to be confident in their abilities to do it all if that is God's will...but only if that is God's will!

I know so many women who have gone through school at the top of their classes, succeeded academically, pursued the goal of a career, because this is precisely what the world is telling them they should be doing, only to be married and want to start a family, but feel that they have to sacrifice everything to do it.  Either they sacrifice their career, education, and everyone else's expectations of them to raise their families, or they sacrifice their families and their desires by trying to "do it all", knowing that they can't do any of it as well as they could do one or the other.
Do not get me wrong here, the Proverbs 31 woman did ALOT!  She is what I would call "successful" by any standard.   But she didn't sacrifice her children for a career--she used her God-given gifts and sold her goods in the market. Nor did she refuse to do everything she could to care for a provide for her family.  She worked hard, rose early to make their clothing, acquired land and fields,  generally took care of business!  and her family never suffered.  She never sacrificed.

I have written before on the importance of being yoked to Christ, and not overburdening yourself "putting more on your plate than you could or should possibly eat!".  While there are a great many things we're all capable of doing, especially our daughters, we need to learn ourselves and teach them that it is best to do what's before us.  There is a time and place, a season, for everything.  If there is something for our girls to do, they'll do it in the right time and place!   We need to trust that.
So how does this impact the way I raise my daughters?
In so many ways...

In fact, each facet of raising daughters will hopefully become a post of it's own.  But for now, I'll stick with what is fresh on my heart and mind, as I am still in the process of developing our plans for this years' schooling.


God knows the plans He has for them, I don't.
God knows how He's gifted them already, I have yet to see much of this in my girls.
God also knows how He will provide for them in the future, I can't possibly.
And He knows the very BEST and safest way to equip my girls for their future. There are a lot of options out there for equipping our kiddos for the future via education, extra-curricular activities, etc; but let's face it, not all of them are good!

We will teach them the three Rs ("Readin', Writin', and 'Rithmetic") as it pertains to real life!  Give them plenty of opportunities to grow and mature in their faith, in their own person, in serving others, and we will give them ample freedom to be children, to play, pretend, take risks, get hurt, and all of that wonderful stuff that seems to be taken away from kids left and right nowadays. 
And we will give them freedom to be girls!  They know that they will grow up to be women someday, even if they don't know whether they'll be nurses or doctors, or missionaries   :)  We let them "mother" their baby brother, even their older brother! We let them play with dolls and play house as much as possible.  We let them cook and create, sew, and do all things feminine.  Things that will equipe them to be what there's little doubt they will grow to be.  WOMEN!   Wives and mothers.  Our goal is to equip them to be the best wives and mothers they can possibly be.

We can offer our children peace and freedom.  Build within them a desire for God's truth and direction, and just watch where He takes them as they are willing to follow!

Educating Our Daughters

It is my firm belief that, even as a home school mother, it isn't my job to equip my kids for their unique future.

HUH?

I know, I know...

What I mean is that only God can truly equip them.  And if I start believing that I can do it myself, I guarantee that I will fail to equip them properly!   

There is so little time in life.  So little time in childhood.  Soooo little time in every single day to do the job of preparing our children for life...so we have taken the simple approach.  We have prioritized our goal, defined our vision, and we aim only at that and trust God for the rest!

What this means for our girls is this:

We will do our best to help them be their best!  

More than so much else, I want to provide the quiet that my girls need.  The voices of the world do not penetrate the walls of our home.  They will not hear that they are expected to go to college or pursue a career.  They don't need to be told that eventually they will most likely become wives and mothers, that's pretty obvious to them   ;)   so, we will live out life accordingly.  Encouraging the development of skills and habits that will allow them to be wonderful, and JOYFUL wives and mothers.   Women who will, in fact, be corner posts of their homes, whose husbands will trust them with everything, whose children will always know that they are the first priority, that they are protected, nurtured, and loved.  

From budgeting, to shopping, cooking and cleaning, it is my purpose to raise my girls to be happy, cheerful, capable servants in the home, who have been endowed with wisdom and prudence and confidence in their "job", fully aware of their importance.   

I want them to have a firm grasp on finances and time management, so that they can maintain financial peace and stability regardless of their family's income or circumstance. 

I want them to be in the habit of routinely doing domestic chores so that doing them is second nature and not drudgery (anyone else wish they'd been raised that way?) My mother is this way, always flitting about doing something, usually happily!  In all my years growing up, I never heard her mutter a word about "another load of laundry...", or that if she had to wash another dish today she'd scream...doing these things always made her happy, she was content to serve in her home.

I want for them to grow to be holistic lovers! Able and ready to love in every way possible, from wiping baby bums playfully to being a good lover of their husbands. (you can't learn this in a book)  From being generous helpers to those in need, to lovingly providing the BEST quality food, for their families and others who will have the pleasure of enjoying their home cooking, not just what is convenient, I want my girls to by nature go out of their way to love those around them deeply, and effectively. 

I want for them to grow to be women who are so gorgeous inside that whatever they look like outside will also be beautiful because their spirits radiate from within.  

None of this requires books or desks.  Most requires very little in the way of "lessons".  It requires a lot of time together.  A lot of discipleship.  A whole lot of nurturing and being a good example myself.  What it requires is that we include them in life. 

Schooling for my little women will never look a thing like the education of their peers. 

But...

If God has a plan for them to do something that I can't possibly prepare for, whether it is a career or serving the community in some way that requires more knowledge than we imbue to them, then I KNOW and TRUST that He will give them opportunities and the ability to learn what they need to learn, when they need to learn it. Whether it's physics, calculus, statistics, or any of the other things they could be learning...

We cannot possibly teach them everything they may need to know...public school, private school, charter schools can't either!  but what we can do is prepare them for anything, and we can prepare them to be the best they can be at anything they set their minds to!   

We can sow seeds that will reap a good and plentiful harvest, thoughtfully and purposefully...or we can sow a crap-load of random seeds that the world thrusts in our hands, haphazardly, and hope for the best.

Polished Corner Posts {part 1}

"May our sons be as full grown plants...

and our daughters 

 as corner pillars

fashioned 

as for a palace..."

Psalm 144:12

It's that time of year again!  Time for planning (such as it is) our coming school year.

As a homeschool mom of three students, one aspiring student, a toddler, and an infant due mid-year, each new school year is an adventure and exercise in faith.  Planning (such as it is) can be stressful and frustrating, given the myriad options available for curriculum, teaching philosophies, etc. 

Planning.  This has become a word that evokes an immediate scoff from me.  It seems that nothing we plan ever goes as planned!  and I'm finding more and more as I grow in my faith and mature in my walk with the Lord, that regardless of how great my intentions and purposes are, more often than not my plans are waaaay off from His plans!  The vision, or destination?  No.  But the travel plans?  yes.  It's actually somewhat amusing if I really step back and think about it.  blink. blink.

So, over the years I have tried my best to surrender completely to God, in openness and emptiness, erasing whatever is in my mind and heart concerning "school", and trusting that He will not only fill it back up with a renewed, transformed purpose and wisdom, but that He will also steer me as I make a new course every year...every day.

What this planning process has put in mind, once again this year, is my vision for my beautiful little women and how to achieve it.  I want desperately to raise them in the freedom that God offers.  Freedom from the world and it's expectations, freedom to follow Him wholeheartedly, never looking back.  This hope has caused me to question everything I have ever known about education, about the future, about priorities...

God has blessed us with three lovely young women, to raise to His glory.  Man I love them!  But raising girls in our world, today, is a terrifying prospect.  It's downright overwhelming when my mind takes over and considers the dangers and worries, not to mention all of the possibilities!!!!!

Our girls today have limitless potential.  They are given freedom to do anything they desire, are empowered to pursue any passion or dream, and the opportunities they are afforded are unmatched across the globe and across history.

Women can be anything.  Women can do anything.

Brace yourselves.

While, in many, many ways this is good, it is a double edged sword.  There is an equally dangerous and damaging consequence.  Not as a result of the freedom necessarily, but of the direction that society pushes our girls in in pursuit of wherever this freedom  leads...

The messages that glorify this 'feminist philosophy' (for lack of a better term) are heard loudly enough, and embraced enough by our culture already that there is no need whatsoever for me to post about the good that has come about as a result.  What is not heard, or even questioned, is the other side of the sword.   That is what I intend to cover in the following posts.

As always, it is my deepest desire to pursue God's best for my family.  It is my utmost goal and priority to never conform to this world, but to have my mind renewed, to know the will of God in every situation we find ourselves in.  This is especially important as it pertains to my children and their future.

The Psalmist shares a blessing for his children and the children of his people.

His desire for their daughters:   To be as corner posts fashioned as for a palace.

This, too, is my desire.

Daughters:  Polished Corner Posts {Part 1}

What is a corner post?   

A pillar which lies at the corner of two walls, and unites them; the principal support,  which forms the corner of the structure.

To me, this blessing in scripture doesn't evoke a sense that women were marginalized in OT times (at least not by the Godly).  As a matter of fact, this blessing evokes a powerful sense of the innate strength, potential, and importance of women!

A corner post is absolutely necessary to the structural integrity of a building.  Similarly, I believe that women are absolutely necessary to the structural integrity of the home, of the community, and of society as a whole.    Women are strong.  Women are capable.  Women are needed to be strong and capable in every avenue wherein they find themselves.  

When God created man, he did not say "it's all good" as He said about His other creations.  He acknowledged that something was missing, "It is not good for man to be alone..." He observed, and so He created woman from him to be a helper, to provide fellowship and support, comfort and encouragement, and strength!

Women today are the same innately.  We are still important, and not just because the TV says so.  We are still valuable and necessary, still powerful, strong, and full of potential for both good and evil. The only difference is what is driving women today.  Ultimately whether or not a woman is willing to surrender and follow God is what it all boils down to...but there are so many factors, beginning from early childhood, that make hearing God's voice and following Him very, very difficult for women today.   The freedom, the opportunities, the pressures, all are things that pull at us, speak to us, scream at us!  The plans and dreams that God has are often muffled by the cries of the world, by our peers, by our own parents' hopes and expectations...

Something has to be done to truly free our girls. 

They need for us to help quiet the world so that they can hear the Lord's gentle leading.

They need for us to guide and direct them in Godly wisdom and counsel.  (they certainly don't need us reminding them of what the rest of the world is saying!)

They need for us to prepare their hearts, minds, and spirits for anything God calls them to do.  Not for what the world has in store, or even for what we hope they will accomplish in life.  

We do not, cannot, know the plans that He has for them.  But we have so much power to steer them towards whatever that is, or far far away from it!

We need to steer their hearts towards HIM first and foremost.  We need to lead by example, and show that we are following God's calling as women in our own lives.  

We need to strengthen them and give them confidence that whatever God calls them to do, He will equip them!

And for pity's sake, we need to stop prioritizing things that don't matter over things that will matter eternally!