Polished Corner Posts {part 3}
College, Careers, and Crazy Women!
I'm sorry if that offends you...
kindof...
But admit it! You're a little crazier now that you're trying to "do it all". And frankly, your college years went a long way to making you crazy!
Ask yourself this: How much of your college experience did you have to "overcome" throughout the subsequent years? Or maybe you're still overcoming them!
For Christians, the statistics are staggering:
According to the Barna group, 60% of twenty-somethings say that they were involved in church as a teenager but no longer are.
Other recent polls illustrate that kids are dropping out of church early and for good.
Real world experiences like trial and error (ask Thomas Edison) can teach more valuable lessons than book study, OTJ training is by far a more thorough means of becoming proficient at a skill or job, apprenticeships and mentor-ship offers valuable, one-on-one hands on experience with experts.
Freedom to learn what you want to learn, how you want to learn it, and plenty of time to put into mastering it is by far more valuable than the education any college has to offer.
One of my daughters has no real desire to learn anything at this point unless it has something to do with the human body. She hates to read, it actually pains her (not kidding, she complains about her head and stomach every time she looks at a book, however simple)! But if I draw her a diagram of the vascular system, or show her a picture of a labeled skeleton, then she will read away! She can barely read at a first grade level, but she can tell you what makes up our blood and what each part does. :) If this daughter of mine has a desire to learn about medicine as a teenager, there's nothing that can't be learned at home with the many available resources out there (including online degree programs that she can complete at home). And if the time comes when she feels called to pursue a higher degree that requires time on a college campus, then that will be her choice! But she will already be more than prepared for rigorous study and she will have the character and spiritual maturity to face the world.
As I think about how different this approach is from that which most parents take, I actually find it comical how many of their students enter college with NO CLUE about what they want to study, or do with their degree after college, and are merely going because it's what everyone else expects. As a result, there are many students that either float along in college aimlessly with no motivation or drive to actually learn, and there are students who dive into a course of study they have no natural talent for and end up hating and cannot use in the real world! On the other hand, there are many students who are very gifted and need only to hone certain skills, or acquire more in-depth knowledge on a particular subject in order to be successful.
For the first set of students, the question is why push them into it before they even know what they're doing? Why not give them time and freedom to figure out who the heck they are--because so far all they know is what everyone's been telling them.
For the second, much smaller group, the question is why do they have to waste so much time on subjects that don't matter? A concert pianist doesn't need statistics (not that they have to take it, I'm just throwing it out there), and a rocket scientist doesn't need philosophy. It doesn't hurt them by any means, but why waste their time? You get my point.
After reading the statistics, even just the few above, I don't think anyone can make a logical case for the "college experience" being good for their kids. Sometimes necessary? Sure. But good? no way, Jose.
And as far as whether or not it's necessary, I think that's something we, especially Christian parents, need to take a long, hard look at. Let's not only consider all of the options, but also where we are placing our trust and confidence, our hopes! (hint: our trust and confidence should be in God and His plan, and our hopes should be in His provision for them, not ours)
Just as a personal example, I want to share a little of my story.
I was always a bright kid. I excelled at school and in music. I would have easily been at the very top of my class if it hadn't been for math and gym...
When it came to math I struggled to remain in the "advanced class", until I met geometry as a freshmen in H.S. and LOVED IT. I loved it because it was applied to something relevant to me: architecture and design. When it came to algebra, I HATED memorizing formulas for no reason other than 'you'll need to know it for the test'. How many heated discussions did I have over the years with algebra and calculus teachers who couldn't explain to me how I would ever, conceivably, use either in real life! Such a waste of my brain-space!
And gym class...yeah. Group sports and running were NOT my thing. I was the one you'd find standing in the baseball field, arms crossed, looking ticked off thinking of all I could be doing anywhere else but there! I would have honestly rather drowned myself in the toilet than play volleyball. And running the mile? Psh. Let's just say that I couldn't have cared less about achievement in gym class!
But otherwise, I was a smart little cookie!
My passion, though, was Psychology--even before I knew the word Psychology! I loved observing people...which definitely made me weird and others uncomfortable. I watched closely, I listened intently, and I understood them. In my mind I had people compartmentalized in various groupings, and I could easily pick out the personalities, with character qualities and faults, of almost anyone upon meeting them. People told me often that I seemed to "read them like a book", and I did!
As I grew older I began to understand even the people no one understood. I understood things about them that even they didn't understand. Many of my peers came to me for advice and for help, hurting people were drawn to me, and I was always able to share some insight and help them to understand themselves and what the "roots" were that were causing their pain or troubles. This wasn't something I learned from books or classes. This was a gift and I was certain God meant to use it.
By the time I was a freshman in high school I was such a geek. A good time to me was sitting by myself writing, or reading through the used college textbooks that I would often find at garage sales. In my classes at school I was told frequently to put down my college level literature because it wasn't the time or place to read it! Nevertheless, I began to round up all the literature that I could on the pioneers of Psychology, and introductions to psychology, then later more in-depth literature on abnormal psychology, to study in my very limited 'free time'.
It surprised me how much of what I understood about people had already been defined! Admittedly, I was a little bit disappointed that very little of what I knew was new (ok, A LOT disappointed), but it was still fun to learn terminology for ideas and principles that I had known for years. I could diagnose people that I knew, characters in movies (yes, I did), and felt confident that Psychology was the field I was destined for. I found myself fascinated by the psychology of evil people, and knew that I could come to understand them.
My personal hope was not necessarily to help people...not in a counseling or therapeutic setting, but to focus on research and developing a deeper understanding of abnormal psychology holistically. I wanted to bring together biblical and spiritual truths about our souls, about sin and evil, and conjoin it with the physical, the physiological aspects of psychological problems. I wanted to write books and be a pioneer! To make a name for myself...
But then God called me to motherhood :) and I exchanged one dream for another.
So many people were upset with me when I chose to get married and have children. "What a waste" was the common theme. And yes, I too wondered if I was wasting something valuable by not pursuing what I thought I should do, what I seemed to be gifted at.
Now, I don't have a doctorate in psychology or even a license to counsel...but guess what? God has continued to put people in my life who I counsel regularly. Not only my children, but random people with real psychological problems, real needs, have come into my life who have needed what I can give them. No, God's not using my gifts in the way I thought He would, but He is using them!!!! And I didn't have to waste a bunch of time and money for Him to do it!
By NOT continuing with college, I know exactly what I've avoided. In the short year I spent on campus, I was hassled, and even knowing I was a married woman, a classmate made sexual advances...in the campus library! (I guess I was naive to not expect it) I'm glad God spared me 4-6 years of that.
I also avoided having to choose between a career that I love and the family that I love. Everyone who knows me knows that I don't do anything just a little...I put my whole heart into anything I set it on. There is no way around it, I would have had to choose where to put my heart, and I'm soooo eternally glad that I didn't have to make that choice later on down the road. I'm so thankful that God caught me when He did and convinced me to trust Him! Because this life. This life is so, unbelievably good. There is absolutely nothing that I have sacrificed, and I have gained everything.
THAT is what I want for my daughters.
70% of Protestants ages 18 to 30 quit church by age 23, says another.
An
estimated 4% of the “bridger” generation, or Gen Y, will be
Bible-believing Christians when they reach adulthood. Their
grandparents’ generation: 65%. Their parents’ generation: 35%. (Bridger
Generation by Thom S. Rainer). - See more at:
http://youthministry.com/everybody-you-know-should-know-these-stats/#sthash.VQcnkaze.dpuf
Seven in 10 Protestants ages 18 to 30 — both evangelical and mainline —
who went to church regularly in high school said they quit attending by
age 23, according to the survey by LifeWay Research. And 34% of those
said they had not returned, even sporadically, by age 30.
"Unless religious leaders take younger adults
more seriously, the future of American religion is in doubt," says
Princeton sociologist Robert Wuthnow in his book After the Baby Boomers. The proportion of young adults identifying with
mainline churches, he says, is "about half the size it was a generation
ago. Evangelical Protestants have barely held their own."
These statistics don't even cover the fact that so many "Christian kids" go to college and in their new-found freedom dabble in sinful behaviors that their parents have spent years trying to protect them from! Resulting in years of regret and restoration...
And then there are far more disturbing statistics that pertain only to young women in college:
A report entitled "The Sexual Victimization of Women in College" by the NIJ can be read here: https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/182369.pdf
The forward reads, "College campuses host large
concentrations of young women who are at greater risk for rape and other
forms of sexual assault than women in the general population or in a comparable age group."
According to this extensive study, 1 in 10 college women reported being raped, another 1 in 10 reported an attempted rape, and when combining all other forms of sexual victimization included in the study a whopping 1 in 3 women reported being sexually victimized! Considering that during the course of this study there were only about 91% respondents, that figure could reasonably be higher.
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be willing to toss my child into a pool of sharks simply because she hit the magic age of 18 and I want her to learn how to swim with the other fishes, (if she can swim, surely she can swim with other fishes...who needs the shark pool?)
One of my primary goals as a mother is to keep my children safe and innocent (which is pretty darn hard to do in this world we live in). Innocent physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The first step of this is keeping them safe from abuse. (The consequences of sexual abuse in any form can NOT be overstated)
I also want my children to maintain their innocence and purity in how they interact with other kids, how they think, and how they dress. Certainly there are levels of "modesty" out there, and I do not claim to know some "right way" to dress. But I do know what my girls are inherently uncomfortable wearing in public, and I'd like for it to stay that way! {more on this topic in a later post}
As far as how they think, it is much easier to protect their little minds without television and movies, or the "socialization" offered by public schools across the country. Almost every "kid-friendly" show out there today seems to have content involving boyfriends and girlfriends, glorifying these ridiculous relationships between children. In classrooms and sleepovers all over the country (even in our very own AWANA club at church) you can find girls oogling over boys, or boys oogling over girls...how is that innocent? Is it natural for a girl to find a boy attractive? Sure, and Vice-versa. But to say that a group of nine year old girls passing around pictures of boy-band members and sharing which one they think is "hot" is normal or ok? I think not! Unfortunately this only gets worse as they get older. {still more for another post}
The world is a secs-pool. And you know what? My little women don't know what they're missing by not being a part of it. They are happy and content living life to its fullest without all of the distractions. Heck, they have enough sin issues of their own to deal with being as sheltered as they are, I don't want to expose them to more. And they are blasted with potentially sexually-victimizing material every time we go through the grocery store checkout aisle. (Exposing children to pornographic images IS actually considered a form of sexual abuse, just FYI) That's enough "risk" thank you very much.
So how can a young lady grow to be a successful woman without attending college? I know you're wondering, because the world says it's the only way.
Once again, I want to stress the importance of preparing our girls to be WOMEN. WIVES. MOTHERS. Anything else is merely secondary in importance and value. Maybe God will call your daughter to be a rocket scientist, and if He does He will guide her safely into it, and equip her with intelligence and opportunities to learn what she needs to learn, when she needs to learn it.
But if your daughter would be happy to be a successful wife and mother, why not equip her to do that? Why push her in a direction that will take her on a detour from which she'll have to backtrack to get to where she wants to be and should be? Why push her to years of study and hard work and financial investment towards something she will have to choose to forsake in order to be a wife and mother, or will otherwise cause her to ignore the draw of her heart to invest fully in her family? Why do that?
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