Just Like Babes

It’s funny how silly, little things in life can speak to us about deeper, spiritual truths.  

The other day I was feeding my 7 ½ month old pureed sweet potato {he JUST started eating food and is lovin’ it!}.  I started out with two cubes—I make a bunch ahead and freeze it in ice-cube trays, just in case you wondered! but, like the rest of the Haraldson children, it didn’t take him long to go through what was prepared and begin begging for more!

Knowing my son, I knew that he wouldn’t understand if I just walked away, and he was sure to get upset. So I gave him the spoon, knowing that it would distract him and make him happy while I thawed another cube for him.  Just as I suspected, that spoon fascinated him!  He turned it in his little hands, looked at it from all sides, popped it in his mouth and back out quickly, giggling, banged it on his tray and smiled proudly.  

As I walked back to the table, he was happy as could be, having forgotten for the moment that he was still hungry.  I gently reached out and took the spoon from his chubby ‘lil hand…

And off wailed the sirens!!!

He gave me a look as if to say, “WHY would you DO that to me?!?!?” horrified that I would rip the very essence of happiness from his hands.

I gently told him {and I’m sure he understood} that I needed the spoon to give him what he really wanted, some food.  What he had been waiting for.  But clearly, he wasn’t convinced.  Clearly I had deprived him of all joy and hope   :P  

While he was still crying, I filled the spoon and put it in his sweet, little pouting mouth.  When he closed his lips, he sniffled a little, still seemingly confused, and stopped crying.  

I smiled at him as it occurred to me how much we are all still just like babes.  We may grow bigger, learn to voice our emotions, develop the power and skills to do many things for ourselves, but this innate tendency never changes {Not without some serious Holy Spirit renewal!}.  

In this life there are so many needs, so many desires, hopes, longings…and the best of all of them are promised to us by our Creator.  He assured us that not only will He provide, but He will provide what is the very BEST for us, exactly what we need, and often what we never even knew we wanted!

But, there are also many spoons, as many ways to distract and temporarily satisfy as we can imagine—some God given, some self-sought.  And when we are living in one of the many phases of life where we are waiting for what we need, while we’re holding onto our spoons, it is so easy to place our focus on that empty spoon and lose sight of the fact that GOD WANTS TO FILL IT!  So that when He takes the spoon from us, we, in horror and dismay, question “WHAT is going on here?”  We don’t understand, we don’t have the perspective to recognize that His loving Hand is holding the spoon, filling it with good things, and waiting for the right moment to give us what we want.  We can’t seem to step back with any great ease and understand that while He seems to be away, and we’re happily playing with a spoon, He is off preparing just what we’ll need next. 

Wow!

Wow.     God just never EVER ceases to amaze me!  

And…I never cease to amaze myself with my ability to forget--with brain-trauma-induced-amnesia quickness--just how faithful and good my God is, or how quickly I can begin questioning instead of simply trusting Him and patiently awaiting His timing. 

He always knows what He’s doing, even if we don’t.     

    

The last few years have been a journey, following God to ‘the Promised Land’ in our homeschooling…but we’re not there yet!  God has given me a clear vision of what the Promised Land looks like, but a road map to follow?  Not so much.    While I have head-knowledge and cling to catch phrases like, “less is more”, “relationships first (with God and people)”, and “go with the flow”, I have had a difficult time consistently practicing the principles day to day.  My goals are clearly defined, the target is bold, but the details of how to HIT the bullseye…that’s been another story.   I see what I want to build in my children as clearly as I can see the houses that I design, but I question which tools I should be using to accomplish each task.  I feel the weight of the importance of this responsibility I have been given to bring up these children to the glory of the Lord...

I am, and always have been, a person of extremes.  There’s rarely a middle ground, rarely moderation.  When we began our homeschooling I was on one extreme end of the education spectrum.  I was the ‘mean teacher’, purposed to drive my son to academic excellence, speeding through curriculum from a box that crossed all the i's and dotted all the t's of modern 'education'.  In my heart, my highest goal was to build Godly character in him, to nurture our relationship, to have his heart, but for so many reasons that didn’t become the practical priority.  And it showed.  While he was well advanced for his age academically, many days would end in tears and frustration--for both of us!  

Thankfully God convicted me and provided encouragement, support, and some pretty sobering motivation for me to stop what I was doing and reassess.  And I have been reassessing ever since.  

This year, the idea of beginning the school year has been overwhelming.  Not only because of the new responsibilities of caring for a needy infant and a small farm, but because we haven’t quite figured out how to fit into the glove that I know God has prepared for us (a ‘plan’ that fits like a glove…get it?  …  anyway…) but because it is a daunting task to sift through the limitless choices to figure out what to teach, how to teach, when to teach, etc. and without God’s clear direction, without divine inspiration, it is impossible to accomplish the task His way.  And I don’t want to settle for anything less than that.  And let me tell you, there are many ‘good ways’ to homeschool.  But “there is a way that seemeth right to a man…but the end thereof is death.”  I don’t want to homeschool any ol’ way.  I want to do it God’s way, and no one but He can show me that plan!

So here I've sat, patiently awaiting the unveiling of “the plan”, month after month.  The picture of what life and learning should look like was becoming clear, but I needed more!

...............................................................

I have been praying for years that my quiet, reserved, laid back husband would step up in a big way to lead our family.  Let me stop here and add, for those who don’t know me, that I am a natural leader.  I have a very strong personality, and it has been a constant struggle for me to stay out of the way and really let my husband be the head of our house.  It's not that he's not capable, but I think sometimes it may just be easier to let things just be as they are instead of purposing to make changes...It’s easy for me to make a quick decision, it’s easy for me to know what to do and where to go when God is directing me, but it is also easy for a laid back man to go along for the ride instead of leading the way  ;)  Figuring out how to step back and encourage that change has been an 11 year learning experience.  Recently, I have felt a stronger desire (maybe it’s because our kids are reaching a pivotal age) to really see more clear leadership from him.  (or maybe I’m just getting tired of bearing a burden that’s not mine to bear…I don’t know)  But what I do know is that with so much lack of direction in where to go with school, how to reach our desired end, and feeling a bit alone, I finally poured out all of my frustrations to my husband.  I fumed for a while about not knowing what God wanted me to do, questioning whether or not I was seeking Him enough, wondering if my prayers for wisdom somehow weren’t enough, was I just missing something?  Was I being too stubborn or deafened by my own thoughts to notice God’s gentle voice?  Was I expecting too much of God?  Did He expect me to just be able to do what is right?  All of the things that have stirred in my heart for so long just poured from me…and it ended with, "I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO."  I opened my hands and let it go, I gave it to him.
 

Now, my husband does not talk much, especially not about spiritual things.  He doesn’t feel the need to give me the play by play about what God is doing in his life, so much unlike me…because of his ‘communication style’ (yes, let’s call it that) I really don’t know whether or not God is doing anything in his heart.  Sadly, often that leads me to conclude that he isn’t seeking God and I lose a little faith in him.  Judge all you want, people, I’m just being honest, but we’re getting to some good stuff here.

So.  No direction for school.  Wishing for a stronger leader.  Two unrelated things, I thought.  

But.

After asking my husband to tell me what to do, he thought about it for a moment and proceeded to give me a small list of things to implement.   “Well, after everything you’ve struggled with, what you’ve said and what I’ve seen, and given what you really want to achieve, I think that we need to do A, B, C, and D.”  He gave me a clear, concise list. (No, I won't expound on that list because, as a wise lady I know says, 'each family should seek God's unique design for their homeschooling', and I don't want anyone to think that imitating our plan is THE way for them!)  But that small list was a practical plan, a blueprint, for how our school year should go.  

At first I was hesitant.  It seemed so different than anything I would have considered.  And a part of me wanted to take it as merely his opinion, one that I could consider along with everything else!  But, I purposed to consider it seriously and pray about it.  So I wrote a daily and weekly schedule according to his suggestions and wrote down the goals and objectives we had discussed. 

Fast forward to yesterday.   Weeks ago I had planned a get together, for that day, with a friend and homeschool mentor, a true Titus 2 woman whose purpose and passion is coming along side young moms and encouraging them to seek God’s will for their families and homeschooling.  I couldn’t wait to pick her brain and ask her all of the questions that I had!  But there seemed to be too many, so I prayed that God would simply speak through her directly to my need, needs, I acknowledged, that I didn't really recognize.  I didn’t want my questions answered as much as I wanted for God to clearly move and guide me in some way.  I don’t need to understand it all, I just want to understand what God wants for me! So we began the meeting with that directive...I had no questions for her, no outline of what I wanted help with, I just wanted her to speak as she felt led by God.  And boy was it sweet!

After a nice visit, towards the end, this godly woman looked at me and said that while she usually avoids giving advice or making suggestions about details of what schooling should look like, she wanted to encourage me to do A, B, C, and D!  Almost verbatim, she spoke the words that my husband had spoken weeks earlier…

And in that moment it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Just how AWESOME God is.  While I was getting frustrated and impatient, He was preparing to answer many of my ‘unrelated’ prayers.  While I was questioning Him and his willingness to lead me, He was waiting for me to give Him a chance to show me that He was answering my prayers for my husband to lead us!  All at once, he had given me not only the direction that I needed for school, but the confirmation that He IS leading my husband, and my husband is leading us (as long as I let him!), and what grace…because He didn’t have to give me tokens for good like that.  He doesn’t have to show me evidence above the surface for what He is doing below.  When I lacked the faith, hope, and confidence He didn’t speak to me in anger and shame me for questioning Him or for being a lousy wife--He understands my form, that I am dust! And He gave me eyes to see, once again, that He IS in control, that He IS faithful, and that I can trust Him to lead and work out every single detail, every time, no exceptions! 

  

"Otober Baby Event"

First of all, I want to say a huge THANK YOU to those who helped us to spread the word, to those who donated and encouraged us with their support, and those who prayed for us and for the event.  

Our intention (and hope) was to begin the night with prayer at 6pm with an army of prayer warriors…but, {discouragement number one}  no one came.  Our little army consisted of me, Jenni, my mom, and my "adopted teenage daughter", Casey, who helped me by holding the babe.  BUT there was one special gal who met Jenni at the theater at 5:30 to walk around the building in prayer.   This wonderful gal and her husband drove over ON THEIR ANNIVERSARY to pray before their date…I cannot tell you how much we appreciated that, and how God used her to encourage me and, further, to convict me about priorities.  God bless her!  Although I was disappointed in the turnout for prayer, God reminded me of the many who could not be there but wanted to, and I knew that they were with us in spirit.  

As the kids came, we continued to pray for God’s will, that He would bring those whose hearts He had prepared.   But I tell ya, it’s a battle to eradicate personal expectations and just sit back and watch what God’s doing!  {Discouragement number two} We didn’t have to turn anyone away, in fat, we didn't fill the theater..   I prayed for God to help me see through His eyes, to have the right perspective…

We made a rather awkward introduction, and as I looked around the theater I realized that I’d never been to a movie there that was as full as this one was!  And I knew that God was doing just what I’d prayed for--and teaching me at the same time, once again, that His ways aren’t my ways and that it’s a good possibility that a full house would have made me proud  ;)

Sounds of laughter filled the theater only to turn to somber silence half way through.  The silence said it all...

There were many red eyes and puffy faces as people left the theater, and as we read through the questionnaires after, we were impressed and encouraged!   From the answers I got the impression that many hadn’t thought about the issue beyond the lines we  hear repeated so often, and it seemed that the movie definitely put common assertions into question for these kids!

I wanted to share my favorite comments from the questionnaires.

Everyone who filled one out said that they were glad they came to see the movie, and everyone said that they would recommend the movie for their friends, we’re hoping that they will for the next showing   ;)

To the question “Has this movie changed how you feel about abortion?”  the answers were a resounding YES!  Some answered “no” and went on to explain that they have always been against abortion.  Out of 60, only one said “no, I still think a women should choose.”

The following questions asked that they explain their answer to the previous question and share what they thought of the movie.

My favorite answers :

 "Yes. Don't end a new life. This movie helped me connect to my emotions about abortion." 

 "Yes. In every possible way"

  "Yes. Even if you don't want a child, it doesn't give you the right to end their life."  

“Yes. When a mom decides to abort her child then that mom might never know how wonderful that child is.”  {I think this was my favorite, favorite}

“Yes because I never really watched a movie about abortion  and never thought it was sad.  The movie was sad.  I almost cryed”

“Yes.  I never knew what it would be like.  I thought the movie was sad because I didn’t know what abortion was like.”

“Yes. Imagine if people didn’t abort their babies there could be more lives and more wonderful people.  [the movie was] Amazing, sad, and life changing.”

“Yes. To abort is wounding.  [the movie] Revealed overlooked things that are not usually considered.

“Still SUPER against it.  [the movie was] Inspriring, ‘don’t hate the criminal, hate the crime.’”

“Yes.  Beause you are taking the life of a child that doesn’t have a chance.”

“I knew it was wrong, but didn’t realize how many people it could effect.”

“More parents and teens should see this movie.  [it was] powerful.  About a topic that’s not out in the open enough.”

“YES.  I think that abortion is a terrible thing but you can be forgiven even if you choose that.  The movie was very inspirational, touching and amazing.”

“Yes.  It was a good movie, especially for younger pregnant ladies.”

“Yes.”[about the movie] “I felt like it actually happened.”

“Yes.  A life means a lot.  Even if its not born yet.” 

“Yes.  Abortion is wrong.”

“IDK.  Very powerful and full of impact.  THANK YOU.”

“Yes.  It was an eye opener (in a good way!)”

“Yes. Life is important.”

“Yes. [The movie was} Life touching.  It was wonderful!”

Many included their email addresses on the questionnaire, and a few asked that we contact them and showed an interest in learning more.  

Praise God!

x

"What Have You Done TODAY?"

There is a little poem that I read to my children, entitled, "What Have You Done Today?"
In this poem, the writer lists all of the good intentions that people have, like "giving" and "healing broken hearts", "comforting those in need" and "Sharing truth", but after each asks the question, "...but what have you done today?" 

Someday.  That has often been my mantra.  Someday I hope to (or plan to) do this or that, or even that other thing...someday.


A friend of mine and I have been talking for years about taking action FOR LIFE, yet with our busy lives and the daunting task of changing the world before us, we were both stricken paralyzed.  But with recent events and God's moving in our spirits, we both agreed that enough is enough.  Enough thinking, enough planning, enough wishing that things would just somehow change.  

We thought long and hard about what exactly we could do.  What could two concerned moms do to really, truly influence this country, to change the course, to put an end to abortion in America?  It has been so easy to just sigh and say "it's impossible"... but we realized that we don't have to change the world, or our country, or even our communities.  Government is too big to change, the laws are too established, BUT we CAN influence the hearts and minds of people.

What people?  That was the question.  We are certainly not going to change the hearts and minds of ardent pro-choicers, only God can accomplish that...but those who have not fully formed their own thoughts and positions on the subject could certainly be influenced.  The question "HOW" remained.  

How are we going to change the hearts of America's youth when all around them they hear, and so readily believe, the lies that babies within the womb are merely "tissue", and that they have no rights of their own.  While thousands of innocent lives are lost daily simply because they are considered an inconvenience instead of a wonderful, miraculous blessing.   Well, naturally the FACTS that convinced the two of us that the lies are just lies are the most reasonable tools to start with.  

Last year I watched the movie "October Baby" for my birthday.  I cried through the majority of the movie, and felt that it was so powerful that I said to my husband, "somehow, every teenager in America needs to see this movie."  But of course the thought was fleeting, because how on earth could I make that happen, especially when the public school system seems hell bent on pushing only messages of choice, and anything that could be viewed as "Christian" in nature is strictly forbidden.

During that conversation with my friend, that idea came back to me.  We couldn't force the school to show the movie to its students, but we could certainly offer it.  We may not be able to offer it to every student in America, but we could  offer it to students in our area.  So began the brainstorm session that finally led to action!  

As much as I love church, I realized that many kids refuse to step foot in a church, these kids would be the most vital to reach!  So, showing the movie at a church was out...
The school?  Well, I'm guessing that 98% of students would rather subject themselves to the plague than to extra hours at the school, even for a free movie!  
But a MOVIE THEATER...with concessions...and FREE.  Now that was an idea!  What kind of teen would turn down a free movie and popcorn?  Exactly!

It took such a small amount of leg-work and phone calls to recognize that the goal was an attainable one.  To reserve the theater for a special showing would cost $4.50 per person, and that included concessions!  With 150 seats in the theater, that brought the price for a showing up to $675, that is if we filled the theater, which of course is what we hoped to do!  So, again the question remained, How can we raise $675?  

My friend had experience fundraising for a college pro-life organization and brought to the table many great ideas, the best:  a Mothers Day rose sale. The only problem with it was that others Day was just a few weeks away! A little bit of research revealed that we could buy bulk roses at a cost of $.76 per stem, a great price!  And cards could be designed and made to order on Vistaprint at a cost of $.08/card.  So, we began beseeching our facebook friends to help out and donate some money, we sent out an email to some home school groups in our area who we were certain would see the cause as a good one...

And a few donations rolled in.  By a few, I mean ONE.  :P  Crunch time came quickly and I had to act if I was going to purchase roses and go forward with the sale.  Now let me explain that I am not fond of asking for a handout, and that a fundraiser seemed the best way to go about raising the money we'd need.  With this rose sale, if successful, we could sell the roses with cards for $3 each and potentially profit over $1,000!  That would be enough for TWO showings, enough for 300 teens to watch a movie that could change their lives and potentially save the lives of babies!  I've heard the statistic that 1 out of 4 pregnancies ends in abortion.  If that statistic is legitimate, that would mean that a number of teen girls watching that movie could feasibly consider an abortion at some point...this movie could literally convince them to choose LIFE.  Now how powerful is that?  The fact that we didn't have help to buy the roses couldn't stop what God wanted to do.  Although we are pretty strapped for cash at this point in our lives, I took the last of my savings and bought the flowers and cards.  I had the chance to put my money where my mouth is.  

A few days later, a heard from a friend who wanted to donate.  $300.  I was dumbfounded.  I actually cried.  With that donation, the other donation, and what my mom said she'd donate, the flowers could be paid for!  I could wipe the sweat off my brown and breath a sigh of relief...

But..that money could also INSURE that 80 kids could see the movie.  Even if the roses didn't sell.

So choice number two came before me.  Pay myself back and rely on what we make from the sale, or put the donations straight into a savings for the movie.  The choice couldn't have been easier.  These people donated their own money because they thought that it was important to spread the message of LIFE via this movie, and by golly, that's what their money will do!  If the roses don't sell then that's that...money is just money.   God will provide!

Today I recieved another check in the mail for $50, from a friend way up north!  and another friend has asked to purchase a half dozen roses.  My heart is literally about to explode!  with gratefulness, with anticipation, with hope!  There is nothing more exciting than anticipating what God will do.
My friend and I would love more than anything for two things to happen:

1) That the students who attend the movie would be changed.  That the Gospel message in the movie would speak to their hearts, and that the message of life would impassion them to share it with their circles of friends now and throughout their lives.  We want to ignite a flame, a passion for life, that will spread!  My generation may not stand a chance of changing laws, but we can help change the minds of the generation that could.

2) That some folks out there in other counties, other states, would hear about this idea and realize that they too could run with it!  That somehow, throughout the country, more and more youth would see this movie that has such power to open eyes and change hearts.  

My friend and I would love to go forward with further plans for the future, to stay involved in practical ways to support and encourage the kids in our area in anyway that we can.  To spread the message of LIFE, to ignite fires and fan the flames.  I even thought of a name for the two of us:

Moms for LIFE!