Yoked and Burdened

I was talking to a friend today and we were discussing how good life is when you know you’re within God’s will, yet how difficult it can be to stay there.  So many things draw us away, distract us, pull us off course. 

As Christian wives and mothers, so often we find ourselves feeling overwhelmed and stressed.  We have lists and responsibilities that pull us in every direction and keep us in sprint mode, because the time we have seems too short for the commitments and chores that we find continually before us.  We look ahead to tomorrow and next week and we’re tired just thinking about it.   By the end of the day, we realize that we haven’t enjoyed much, if any, of it, and that we haven't given our best and fullest to a single thing.  

But then we read Jesus’ words, and He tells us, 

“Come to me all who are burdened and heavy laden and I will give you rest.   Take my yoke upon you for my yoke is easy and my burden is light…”

These words should be a slap in the face when we find ourselves frazzled and ragged.  We are called to be yoked to Jesus, to work alongside Him in this world to do His Father’s will, and we are promised that the yoke will be easy and the burden light.  So why do we feel so burdened, weary, and overwhelmed?  

Take a deep breath.    

Somehow, in some way, we have become yoked to something besides Jesus and maybe, just maybe, we’re even doing work that is not in our current job description!  You know the old saying, “You’ve dished up more than you can chew”, well perhaps we’ve dished up more than God has put on our plate! 

What God calls us to do shouldn’t be stressful, burdensome, or overwhelming, for He has promised never to give us more than we can handle with His help.  The yoke is easy and the burden light...

Look at Jesus’ ministry.

He did what he was called to do and He did it perfectly.  He went where he needed to go, but Jesus didn’t run anywhere did he? He didn’t try to heal every single person that needed healing, or try to teach every person, in the towns He visited.  He walked slowly and purposefully towards His destinations, performing miracles as the opportunities came, completing one task at a time, touching one life at a time…and he didn’t look for more.  No one knew more of the work that needed to be accomplished in this world than Jesus, of the needs of His people, yet we don't see in scripture Jesus trying to reach them all, or do it all in His time here. 

Jesus made sure that He took His time doing the jobs before Him.  He did them well, and completely, meeting each individual’s needs far beyond merely healing and teaching. 

Though Jesus knew exactly what His future held, we don’t see in scripture that He spent time or worry on it.  Not on what awaited Him in Jerusalem, or what tomorrow held, or whether He was doing enough. 

Has God called you to do something?  (If you have been saved, the answer is yes!) 

Are you fulfilling the purpose that He has for you? 

Are you walking forward with single-mindedness towards that end or are you zigging, zagging in all directions, to wherever you feel pulled—by society or some other pressure?   

Could it be that you’re overwhelmed because you’ve chosen to add things to that plate that you shouldn’t try to chew, even things that are noble and good?

We need to be like Christ, especially in this.  Slow down.  Walk with purpose.  Never miss an opportunity to do God’s work.  Take time to do well what you know He wants you to do and stop worrying about whether or not you’re doing enough when you're doing it!  There will always be more people to heal, more people to teach, but it’s not our job to solve all the worlds’ problems…it’s our job to do our job and do it well.  

Take a look at what’s on your plate.  Does it need to be there?

Take a look and what is weighing you down, it can’t be what God’s called you to do.  How can you change that?

Are you yoked to Christ?  Are you intentionally doing his work, moving where He’s moving?  Or are you stuck in the rat-race that is life seeking 'success' or money or possessions?  Only when you are yoked to Christ, pursuing only His will and purpose will you find rest and joy to its fullest.  

As I look around me, I see so many people who are caught up in the world, yoked to so many things that aren't Christ, and burdened with loads they were never meant to bear.

I see women who God has blessed with children, longing to be the best mother that they can be, to raise them in the most God-honoring way possible, but they are pulled away by so many obligations and good intentions that at the end of the day they know that they haven't done their job to the fullest.   At the end of the day they are stressed out to the breaking point, stretched too thin to give any more of themselves...

Mothers, if you don't have a vision for your life, if you don't know what God's will and purpose is for you in this world, take a look at your children.  God gave them to you.  Whether you planned them or not, they are a gift and responsibility given to you by God Himself!  So, if you don't know anything else, you can know without a shadow of doubt that God has called you to be a mother!   

God has told us that if we are yoked to Him, our job as a mother will be easy and the burden will be light!   If it's not, then we have to take a serious, hard look at what is weighing us down and causing the task of mothering to be so difficult.  Only you can answer these questions for yourself.   

For me personally, though I have embraced motherhood as my main purpose right now in life, I still find myself burdened and overwhelmed.  Here are a few things that I need to constantly review, and often renew my mind in order to free myself from bondage.

Homeschooling—when I become motivated by the world’s standards of success, when I compare myself or my children to others, and when I let either direct how I teach or construct our days.  When I feel that I’m solely responsible for raising them to be who they will be, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and burdened, because I have forgotten that I'm yoked to Christ and He is in this with me!  When I forget that God has a purpose for each of my children and He will be faithful to complete the work He has begun in each of them.

Household chores—when there is too much clutter to manage, too many clothes to wash and put away, too many toys to keep organized.  This is all on me.  Acquiring all of these things is not part of seeking His Kingdom, or pursuing anything other than worldly treasure. This truly is gluttony and excess, even greed and wastefulness! If my focus never strayed from contentment and thankfulness for God’s provision, I wouldn’t have put myself in the pickle that causes so much of the stress in my life! I know beyond a doubt that I need to simplify and bless others with our excesses.  Seriously, there are people within 10 miles of us that can't afford thrift store clothing and my kids have more than any of us can handle cleaning and putting away...shame on me.

Projects, Plans, and Goals—Worrying about what tomorrow holds...I so easily get caught up in worrying about not only what’s going to happen tomorrow and the next day, but also about what I’m supposed to do and be doing with my life--what my future holds when this stage of my life is over.  I spend, sometimes, a great deal of time planning for “then” and I miss out on today.  When we are out of debt, we will do...When we are settled in our final home, we will have time to...When the kids are grown, then I can...so on and so forth. 

The question, “Am I doing enough?”—I look around me and see what others are doing…I think of my own potential, things I always thought I’d do, things I want to do, things that I know I could do and worry that I should do; but then realize that there is not enough time to do them all!  Even the thought of neglecting to “be all that I can be” is stressful…I need to be satisfied to be what God has called me to be and do what He’s called me to do and put before me right now.  Tomorrow will be a different day.  Next year will bring us different circumstances.  In 20 years my purpose may look very different than it does today...But I need to constantly refocus, remembering where God has me today, what He has for me to do today, and I must always purpose to give it my full, and best attention. 

Finances—when I forget that God is a faithful provider will meet all of our needs for today and tomorrow!  It is so easy to look around at the things that I'd like to have someday, or things that I'd like to do someday...even good, and noble things.  My heart longs to pour myself out financially for those in need, and there are so many needs these eyes can see.  But right now it is not possible for us to give the way I wish to.  It would be easy for me to take my eyes off of what is before me, what God has placed before  me, looking off in the distance and pursuing riches in order to serve others.  It would be easy for me to encourage my husband to work a little harder, a little more, so that we can do A, B, and C.  Some things like vacations are more selfish in nature, but mostly my desires for money are motivated by a longing to give generously.

Along these same lines, God has been showing me that I need to be faithful with what I have been given, with what I have right now.  What does that mean for me?  We literally just make ends meet (hopefully when we sell the house and get out from under mortgages and are forever debt free, that won't always be the case!).   We don't have extra cash to put into anything that I care about deeply...but we do have something.   We have time and energy!

This goes back to above where I talked about projects.   We have time and energy, and lots, and lots of plans.  There is always some building project going on around here, always so much to do that it's easy to turn a blind eye to the needs of others, needs that require a sacrifice of time and energy we so desperately need for our own plans...God has really been opening my eyes to see that while we are so busy seeking our earthly kingdom with our time and energy, we may be missing out on the opportunities He is putting in front of us to do His work serving others!  We need to be faithful with a little, and He will not only bless it (our time and money), He will give an increase!  

There are so many more things that should be on this list.  Hopefully I'll remember to add them as they come to mind, because, as much as anyone, I need to change these things so that I can maintain focus on my calling for today. I too need to be transformed by the constant renewing of my mind so that I can know what God's will is for me.  I need to break off the yokes that the world, and I have placed upon me, and cast off the burdens in exchange for what Christ promised is easy and light.

.

Our Daily Bread

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and Godliness through the knowledge of Him who’s called us…

But that doesn’t mean that we utilize it as we should.  I believe it’s vital that we all take a look at ourselves, at our lives, to determine how we are treating God’s word.

Do we treat God and his Word like a hoard?  A cache stowed away for a time of need.  Do we hide our knowledge of it from others, buried beneath the world and accessed only when we’ve run out of other supplies…

Or do we treat God and His Word like a buffet, picking and choosing what looks and sounds good to us, what we want to apply to our lives, yet turning our noses up to, and leaving behind, the rest?  Are we getting fat on God’s goodness and grace while malnourished and deficient in the knowledge of His righteousness and justice?  

Are we treating God’s word and merely an ingredient with which we are to work to create our own gourmet meal?  Designing for ourselves the god whom we will serve and the life in which we will serve it. 

Or do we treat God and His word like our daily bread and living water?  Does He sustain us daily?  Do we go to Him humbly for our sustenance?  When we thirst, do we drink His words in and find satisfaction? When we hunger do we crave Him, do we fill ourselves with every last crumb?

Oh that I might not hoard His word, that I might find opportunity to share it liberally with the world. 

That I won’t pick and choose what I want to satisfy my hunger.  That  I might have the wisdom to crave that which nourishes and accept it with thanksgiving, while rejoicing over the delicate goodness of God’s richness…

Oh that I might gratefully accept what He offers, His preparation, and not create for myself my own imaginings.

That I might seek Him daily, in every hunger or thirst to turn to Him before anything else that this world has to offer.  That He will fill me and satisfy my every need. 

 

Son Light

As I sit here on this beautifully sunny, warmer than average, snowy white winter day, I wonder:

If anyone thinks it coincidence that life without the sun's light is dismal and oppressing, impacting our psyche and overall well being, dampening our mood; but when the sun's light shines upon us it lifts the spirit and brings joy that is in spite of circumstance or situation...

...and that Jesus, the Son, is called the "Light of the world".

I don't!

Supernatural Childbirth

It’s been a while!  

These last weeks have been a whirlwind and I haven’t had much time to write, or even think with this sleep deprived mommy brain of mine, though there have been a flurry of thoughts that I have longed to put to paper (if only just to make sense of some of them!)

But first things first!

I’ve been waiting months to tell this story, before it even began I couldn’t wait to see what God was going to do, how the story would end, and friends, God didn’t disappoint. 

Many of my previous posts about God’s goodness came about because I was seeking His face.  It seemed to me that within my spirit He was revealing His goodness, prompting me to ask Him for grace and blessings that I didn’t think I deserved, and I scoured scripture prayerfully trying to seek His face, to know whether or not my God was indeed smiling down upon me, whether or not He was ready and willing to fulfill that which I longed to ask of Him.  

All of the passages (and more) that I’ve shared here are treasures that I found along the way, and they empowered me to come boldly before the throne of grace to ask my Father for a “Supernatural childbirth”.  

Before I became pregnant I dreaded the thought of having another baby.  Not because I dreaded having another child, but because my pregnancies have all been very difficult—with crippling fatigue and violent morning sickness that endured through the majority of my pregnancy, and let’s face it, no one looks forward to childbirth!  I dreaded it because my home was full of little ones that needed more than a mother adhered to the couch for 7 months, unable to move without throwing up, unable to care for them.  But God had called me to trust Him and not only did I know that I should, I knew that my life would suffer from mediocrity if I didn’t.  On a purely human level, I also had a son who had been yearning for a little brother for seven years, and this little man of mine had been praying in faith that God would bless him with one! 

So I prayed.  I laid my heart before God, gave to Him my fears and asked for faith.  I also asked that if He wanted me to continue having children He would give me a good pregnancy so that I could follow his leading without dread!  I was desperate. 

One day as I was busily working in the kitchen it occurred to me that if I should get pregnant again, and should we have a boy, I should let my husband name him, a name that I had turned down FLAT from the first time he mentioned it.  For years he would casually bring up this name and I refused to even consider it! But in a moment, out of the blue, my heart changed completely and I knew that I had to give my husband his desire if we were ever so blessed.   And wouldn’t you know it?  Not a month later I became pregnant!  Now here’s the best part, I was violently sick for about a month, just the same as before, and I simply said, “ok, God, if this is how it has to be…”  During that time, my kids showed me just how helpful and loving they can be, as did my husband.  A number of friends offered to help in whatever way they could, and I found myself to be feeling very blessed by it all!  Then, a month later, the sickness was gone.  There were still some things that I couldn’t eat, or even think about, but I was fine!  I could climb the stairs (on my feet), I could move around, I could cook, I could eat, I even started gaining weight!  The only complaint that I had was how tired I felt, but never before had I gotten so much crocheting done or had so much snuggle time each and every day. 

  

When, at the ultra sound, that little 15 week old babe decided to “show off”, if you will, and reveal his gender, we couldn’t have been more awed by God’s goodness.  I giggled and cried tears of joy and excitement, while my husband sat in disbelief (I’m not sure he really believed it until he saw with his own eyes!), my little boy’s eyes welled up with tears right before he pretended to faint…and for the rest of my pregnancy that was all my kids wanted to talk about--their new little brother.  

Isn’t God good?

These answered prayers prompted me to reconsider the way that I viewed God.  I’m not saying that I doubted God’s goodness before, but I guess in a lot of ways I simply didn’t think about it.  I knew that God was good to have saved me, to have restored me a number of times when I struggled, but I think that I viewed God as more a giver of substance than frills.  I saw God as a loving Father who cared for us, protected us, and met our needs, and failed to see Him as a “daddy” who also enjoys giving us the desires of our hearts.  (He first trains us to desire according to His will then with joy He fulfills it; we then rejoice and thank Him and HE gets the glory!)

I feel that it’s important to note, before I continue, that while I’ve been learning about God’s goodness and while He has chosen to reveal it to me in this manner, it does not mean that this image is the totality of God.  He is also just and righteous, He also has a greater will and plan than we can see, and while he IS a God who loves us and longs to bless us for His glory, He also wants to use us for greater purposes.  Sometimes in being used of God we are not always comfortable, sometimes there is pain and suffering, often we need to be corrected, even broken to be conformed to His will…so as I share just how good He is, let it be in the back of your minds, and mine as well, that while He is this good when things are “good” He’s still as good when things don’t appear to us to be “good”.  He is the same yesterday, today, forever and even in difficult circumstances He is a loving daddy, it’s we who forget and change.

Even after recognizing that God does want to bless us beyond all that we could ever ask or even think, I had some other issues to face.  I understood now, a little bit more, who God is, but who I am still made me doubt His willingness to shower me with blessings.  I am, after all, still a sinner who struggles daily.  In the past I have sinned against Him so horribly that I’m still surprised He didn’t remove me from the earth just to stop me…so my salvation alone is truly enough for me.  I am overwhelmingly satisfied by His grace and mercy, and since I don’t even deserve that, how dare I ask for more?   

Here I must acknowledge that though I didn’t always dare to ask for blessings I didn’t think I deserved, God has never failed to blessed me above and beyond.  My entire life is a testament to His goodness; He has given me blessings I’d never asked for and hasn't withheld His goodness because I failed to ask.

But, I had to come to the understanding that just like God hasn’t forgiven me and saved me because of me, He doesn’t want to bless me because of me.  I am His child only through adoption in Christ.  This doesn’t mean that He loves me less, but without Christ I have to position!  Without Christ I’m not His daughter!  Without Christ I cannot stand boldly before the throne of grace to ask anything of Him!  God doesn’t want to bless us if we’re living perfect, righteous lives (because even the best of us can’t), He wants to bless us because we’re His children and what He sees in us is perfect and righteous because we are cleansed by the blood of the only perfect and righteous Son, Jesus.  And though He can and will give freely, He wants us to ask! and He wants us to know that we can!

So I began praying boldly that, as God had answered my prayers concerning the pregnancy, he would grant me a labor and delivery equally as miraculous.  I prayed daily with my husband, over my body, and very specifically, that I would have no pain in labor, that our baby would be in the right position, that everything would go according to His PERFECT plan because only He knew all the details, and that the delivery would be quick and easy, that the baby would not be harmed during the process and that I wouldn’t experience any complications.  We prayed even more specifically than that, but you get the idea!  I wrote up a birthing plan which consisted only of verses about God’s goodness, His promises to me, and I prayed those verses daily. 

Going into labor this time was most unusual for me.  With the other four children, my labors always began early and were very quick and intense; my water never broke naturally because they intervened at the hospital, which always precipitated an immediate delivery.  Immediate meaning within mere minutes!  Naturally, I was a little apprehensive about going into labor at home and not making it to the hospital, so we prayed that my water wouldn’t break until just the right time.

 

This time around, everything was so bizarre.  I labored on and off for weeks, having regular contractions often.  Because I had been praying for a pain free labor, every time the contractions became intense, I would pray and remind God what I was trusting Him for (not because He needed me to, but because I did!) and the pain would vanish.  I’ll admit that I was very frustrated towards the end because of all the “false alarms” and because I was STILL pregnant weeks after I expected to have my baby!  (I was pregnant a month longer this time than with my last!)  Every night we prayed that labor would begin and not stop, I was desperate to have that baby! But at the same time we begged for God’s perfect will because He knew best.  I struggled with which I wanted more!

When my labor finally began and I was sure that it wasn't another false alarm, we drove to the hospital.  Our families met us there on the morning of the 20^th, all expecting to meet the baby that morning.  12 hours later, I was dilated to eight centimeters but my water hadn’t broken and it seemed as though the progress had come to a standstill.  More than anything, I wanted this labor to be completely natural, moreover, Supernatural.  My other labors had been natural, drug free but not without medical intervention.  I wanted this one to happen exactly how God intended it and I had prayed accordingly for months.  When my midwife started talking about breaking my water, I explained that I wanted it to happen naturally, even if that meant waiting until the very end.  She reminded me that labor could go on forever if my water didn’t break (so very dramatic) and I assured her that it was fine with me if it did!  So far things had gone very well.  I was up walking and visiting with our families, enjoying the presence of my kids, and was in no pain at all…but when evening came and everyone started getting restless, I began to grow impatient.  My midwife had come by again and prompted me once more to consider letting her break my water to “get the show on the road”, and I was feeling pressured (and a little tired).  But because God had gotten me most of the way there without pain, however slowly, I looked forward to seeing how He would finish it.  Feeling guilty for how long everyone had waited so patiently that day, I called in my mom and my closest friend (and sister in law) to pray with my husband and me.  We prayed that if it was God’s will, my body would get down to business and finish the job soon. 

Now, when the third nurse had come on shift around 7 o’clock that evening and saw how things were going, she remarked about how wonderfully I was doing.  She said I was “amazing” as I sat there talking and smiling through strong contractions, almost fully dilated.  As I had promised, I gave God the glory and her face immediately brightened.  It turned out that she was a believer and she seemed very excited about what I was doing.  This nurse ended up being an example of how God will give us more than we can ask or think…I wanted so badly to be a testimony of God’s goodness and power to the people I came into contact with there, and in the end, God used this nurse to encourage me!  When she sensed how discouraged I was becoming, she reminded me to trust God, not to let anyone pressure me into changing my mind.   As I sat in the room with my family praying, she sat by us with her hand on me and prayed too.   We prayed fervently that my water would break naturally to satisfy my midwife and to “get her off my back” if you will!  

About a half hour passed and my water broke!  Because in the past my babies flew out immediately after, my midwife and nurse prepared for delivery immediately.  We praised God and did a little victory cheer (I’m sure my midwife thought we were nuts) and waited. Yet my little babe did NOT seem to like the change, and as though he knew what was coming he began to fight it!  We were all giggling, watching him wiggle around in my belly, my nurse and midwife said they’d never seen such an active baby during labor.  Apparently he was trying to keep himself in there a little longer, because he never moved down!  I picture him in there with his hands and legs outstretched shaking his head no, saying “uh uh.  I’m not leaving!”

After waiting a couple hours, my midwife checked to see if I had progressed any further.   I hadn’t.   

Furthermore, she said that the membrane was still intact!

How is that possible?   My water broke!!!!   

After having four children, I learn that, apparently, it can break in one more than one place, or there can even be more than one membrane surrounding the baby…::sigh::

Talk about discouraging.  I wasn’t sure what to think!  We had prayed and God answered our prayer, my water DID break on its own…but not in the right place, or not the right one.   

 ???  

I was pretty darn confused!  And felt tempted when asked again if I wanted to have the membrane that was holding my baby in place ruptured…

...but hadn’t I asked and wasn’t I trusting that God would do this thing from beginning to end?  

So, in faith, I decided to wait.  My midwife said that the  baby was "hammocked”  by the membrane that hadn’t ruptured and that’s why I wasn’t dilating further.  So, during the next few hours, we prayed and walked and climbed some stairs, trying to “help” our little man to put pressure on things, all the while having regular, painless contractions.  Waiting for God’s timing. My wonderful nurse continued to pray for and encourage me.  For some reason her words were more comforting than anyone elses.  Maybe because she was not only a sister in Christ and shared my conviction and faith, but also a “professional”, and her view as both helped me to process both what I was feeling and what I was being advised by my midwife.  Whatever the case, she was a tremendous blessing to me, such a sweet gift from a loving Father to provide what I needed before I knew I’d need it!

At around midnight on the 21^st, while all of our family was sleeping in the waiting room, my midwife came to check on me once again.  After all the walking and stair climbing and praying, I was very much afraid to be examines and to learn that nothing had progressed…how much patience could I have?  How long should I wait?  Then my water broke again!  Finally!  How relieved I felt at that moment! After a few contractions, I reluctantly let her examine me again…and nothing had changed….

Not only had nothing changed, the membrane was still intact!    

This child was bubble wrapped!!!! 


I was advised once again, that I should allow her to break the membrane as my water had broken hours ago and there was a risk of infection.   Now I was concerned as well as frustrated, but my nurse just smiled and told me that I was doing great and reminded me that my baby would come soon…but I was tired.  Physically, as I had been awake for 36+ hours, and emotionally.  Spiritually I felt like I was fighting a battle that made no sense to me, I didn’t know what I was fighting or what I was fighting for. 

I cried a little after my midwife left the room that time, and prayed.  My nurse laid her hand on my belly and prayed with me.  Then and there I decided to throw out a fleece.  I didn’t know if it would be a lack of faith to allow intervention, after all, God had already answered my prayer for my water to break naturally, twice!  So I prayed that if the baby didn't start coming on his own before she came back in the morning I would take it as a sign that I should let her intervene.  God could do it.  He could make it happen.  I prayed that He would. 

 

Then I slept.

At 5am on the 21^st, 28 hours after labor began, my midwife came in again.  She told me that having waited so long there was an increasingly high risk of infection, and firmly advised me to allow her to rupture that membrane.  I’ll admit that I was extremely disappointed.  I was too tired to process the situation, I was confused and drained, but I had prayed and thrown out that fleece…and now here we were.  So I relented.  I woke up my husband and mom and had them go to the waiting room to get our oldest daughter who had begged and begged to be there when the baby was born. 

 

After all that time I was still not fully dilated…even after she ruptured that final membrane, the baby still wouldn’t move down!  The contractions became intense and I prayed for God to just help me get through them.  I had lost faith that he would free me from the pain and all I wanted was to get it over with and hold my little boy.  I prayed out loud that God would forgive me for my lack of faith and that he would make this birth to be the most beautiful experience yet, that the joy of the moment would over-ride the pain.  

37 minutes later, I delivered my baby boy.  When I say that I delivered him, I mean it literally!  After his head and shoulders were delivered, I was in such a position that I could finish delivering him myself!  Who could ever imagine it? I certainly hadn't.  I grabbed his tiny body and pulled him to my chest.  

I was the very first one to hold my baby…and it was wonderful!  My husband, mother, and my daughter were all next to me with tear filled eyes as I laughed and cooed over him in my arms, and I was overwhelmingly flooded with joy.  

It was a wonderful, albeit confusing experience!  And it took me a while to process the whole thing, for while I was thankful for and impressed by a completely pain free labor, I wondered why it took so long and why my body didn’t function ‘effectively’.  I never did dilate beyond 8 cm, even during the delivery.  

It has occurred to me that if I had labored as quickly as I did in the past, I wouldn't have had the best nurse imaginable! and for the blessing she was, I am incredibly thankful.  

I was grateful that He had answered my prayers that my water would break naturally, but...even still, intervention was deemed "necessary".  How bizarre.  

I had hoped for a pain free delivery (if modern medicine can give you one, surely God can do so miraculously.  I still believe that!), and I wondered if I didn’t experience it because of my lack of faith in the end.   I struggled with the question of whether or not I gave in to fear and trusted in man instead of trusting in God when I allowed my midwife to intervene in the end. 

But here is the evidence of God’s goodness, even in spite of that possibility:  He gave me what I prayed for and what I trusted Him for and more.  In the end, I faltered, like Peter walking to Jesus on the water, but God gave me an incredible experience, and just as I had asked, the joy of the moment by far outweighed the intensity of the pain. Not only that, but out of a 28 hour labor, I only experienced about 20 minutes of pain!  That is nothing short of miraculous.  

What’s more is that I could feel His presence with me, and I believe everyone else in the room could too.  And, as I had prayed from the very beginning, my little boy was born healthy and whole, and I had no complications.  In fact, I felt great afterwards (with the exception of the cramps that follow the birth of child number five…whoah.  Next time that will be at the top of my prayer list!).  

I’m certain that there is even more that God wants me to take from this experience, there’s something more that I will learn about myself or about Him because of it.  And I hope that this testimony will give all who hear it cause to praise the One to whom glory is due!

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.  Romans 8:15