Comfort in Affliction

"Then they will seek my face; in their affliction they will earnestly seek me."   Hosea 5:15

 
The last few months have been difficult...so difficult.   Between life happening, drama unfolding in the midst of new ventures, financial stress, disappointment upon disappointment, and a battle against the unrelenting cycle of depression (which has nothing to do with the circumstances), topped off with the hormonal imbalance that comes with pregnancy...I have found myself exhausted and verging on defeated.

It was at this point that I met in desperation with a group of faithful Christian friends last week for our monthly bible study.  I arrived at the church with no real expectations, afraid to hope for something, for anything; the only thing on my mind and in my heart was that I knew I needed something, but I had no clue what something was.

Usually I am eager to talk and to share what God is doing in my life--there is usually more positive news--yet it can be difficult to pour yourself out and reveal the depths of your struggles, your desperation, even for an open book like me.   So, I wasn't sure that I would speak, it felt safer to simply sit and listen, to glean from the testimony of others.

But the problem was that I wasn't absorbing anything.  Those dear ladies were speaking words to another troubled friend, words that I knew should have hit home, but instead they seemed to bounce off.  It's not purposeful, this lack of penetration, it's just part of this phase that I'm in.  A phase where words don't connect with meaning and thoughts are nothing but fragments, speaking what's in my heart, or writing it, near impossible, let alone understanding any of it and what to do, or where to go, with them or my feelings for that matter.

The one thing I knew for sure is that I was tired.  I could express that.  I knew that the fight against oncoming depression had been long and exhausting, and while I had kept my head above water trying to focus my eyes on my Savior and Helper, I was worn out from constant treading.  So without thinking I blurted some semblance of what had been going on in my life and begged for prayer. 

What was to follow I would have never imagined.

Those ladies lifted me up with words of encouragement, sharing from the depths of their own hearts and struggles, reaching down to me from solid ground to let me know that they were there to help.  One woman in particular whom I have grown to respect deeply as a strong model of Christian womanhood shared with me her own experiences with depression, speaking words that calmed my frantic soul.  Reminding me to draw near to Jesus, and He would draw near to me as His word promises. 

Another woman who I don't know as well, but greatly admire from a distance, just happened to bring with her a copy of a devotional book that, of late, had been an encouragement to her.   Addressing me, she opened the book and read these words,

Comfort in Affliction

"O my people, has not my hand fashioned for you many signs and wonders?  Have I not ministered to you in miraculous ways?   How is it that you say therefore in your heart, 'I will turn again to human strength'?   How often have I spoken to you and never failed to keep my word?  Will you not, then, trust me now in this, even as you have trusted me in the past?

Your need is greater this time, and so I have made the testing more acute.  I strengthen you in the furnace of affliction and purify your soul in the fires of pain.  Lean hard upon me, for I bring you through to new victories, and restoration shall follow what seems now to be a wind of destruction.

Hold fast to my hand, and rest in my love, for of this you may be very certain:  My love is unaltered, yes I have you in my own intensive care.  My concern for you is deeper now than when things were normal.

Draw upon the resources of my grace, and so shall you be equipped to communicate peace and confidence to your dear ones.  Heaven rejoices when you go through trials with a singing spirit.  Your father's heart is cheered when you endure the test and do not question His mercy.

Be like a beacon light.  His own glorious radiance shall shine through you, and Christ Himself will be revealed."

From "Come Away My Beloved", by Francis J. Roberts

There really were no words to describe how deeply that penetrated both my skin and my soul. What comfort, what sweet soothing to my heart.

Later on her daughter, a lovely young Christian woman, also shared from the book, reaching in further to balm my weary, joyless soul.

The Healing Power of Joy

"You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy" John 16:20

"Say not within yourself, 'Where is God?', for I am within you, yes, even in your heart, and my hand is upon you.  You have looked in vain for me because you have sought to see me in circumstances and in people and have said, 'I cannot find him'.

O my child, look to me directly, and rest your heart in me.  Do so with as little distraction as would be easy to do if you were the only human being in the world and therefore would have no one else to look upon and no one else with whom to converse.

Praise me.  This I ask of you in times when it seems indescribably difficult to do so.  I ask it of you in love that is stern at this point because I know unequivocally that praise is your only hope for survival.

Distress of soul and grief of heart can only bring on destruction of body.  Joy alone is a healer, and you can have it in the darkest hour if you will force your soul to rise to me in worship and adoration.  I have not failed you and you have not failed me.  It is only that you have failed yourself--the disappointment has come only on the human plane, not the divine.   Why should you allow any human experience to alter or affect your divine relationship with the Father?

Bring me your sorrow, and watch for the sunrise of the resurrection.  Yes, truly there comes always a resurrection--a morning when hope is reborn and life finds new beginning.  Wait for it as tulip bulbs anticipate the spring.  The rarest of these blooms are enhanced by the coldness of winter.  The snow plays her part in producing spring's pageant.  But when the blossoms break through, we do not then turn back to thoughts of winter, but instead, we look ahead to the full joys of the coming summer.

So you must do also.  Your God is your maker.  He is your defender.  And He is mighty to save.   Yes, He is mighty to save from despair, from sorrow, from disappointment, from regret, from remorse, from self-castigation, and from the hot blinding tears of rebellion against fateful circumstances.   He can save you from yourself, and He loves you even when you find it hard to love yourself.

Let His peace flow in you like a river, carrying away all the poison of painful memories, and bringing you to a fresh, clear stream of pure life and restoring thoughts.

This is not the end.  Press on.  The goal line is out ahead, and you may yet be a winner in the race."

From "Come Away My Beloved", by Frances J. Roberts

I had no idea what I needed that night...but God did.  And He provided it.  

The daughter who shared that last devotional also happened to bring her copy along that night.  Saying that she had no idea why she grabbed it as she left the house, but she had, and she wanted me to have it.  Isn't it something how God is in the little details and orchestrates life, the lives of everybody, like a gorgeous symphony?  Weaving together complicated and moving parts in variety equal to nothing else in this created world.  Creating harmonies and melodies from seemingly random instruments and notes...

At the end of the evening, these precious ladies surrounded me in prayer, and during that time of prayer, I felt their strength pulling me up--for the first time in a while I felt real comfort and peace.  THIS, my friends, is what the body of Christ looks like.  This is what I want more of, what I want to be a part of--to accept the strong support of others when I am in need, and to be equipped and prepared to hold up another when I am strong and their faith wanes.  

I praise God for that night.  For those women.  For His promises.  For His conviction and gentle correction.