Supernatural Childbirth

It’s been a while!  

These last weeks have been a whirlwind and I haven’t had much time to write, or even think with this sleep deprived mommy brain of mine, though there have been a flurry of thoughts that I have longed to put to paper (if only just to make sense of some of them!)

But first things first!

I’ve been waiting months to tell this story, before it even began I couldn’t wait to see what God was going to do, how the story would end, and friends, God didn’t disappoint. 

Many of my previous posts about God’s goodness came about because I was seeking His face.  It seemed to me that within my spirit He was revealing His goodness, prompting me to ask Him for grace and blessings that I didn’t think I deserved, and I scoured scripture prayerfully trying to seek His face, to know whether or not my God was indeed smiling down upon me, whether or not He was ready and willing to fulfill that which I longed to ask of Him.  

All of the passages (and more) that I’ve shared here are treasures that I found along the way, and they empowered me to come boldly before the throne of grace to ask my Father for a “Supernatural childbirth”.  

Before I became pregnant I dreaded the thought of having another baby.  Not because I dreaded having another child, but because my pregnancies have all been very difficult—with crippling fatigue and violent morning sickness that endured through the majority of my pregnancy, and let’s face it, no one looks forward to childbirth!  I dreaded it because my home was full of little ones that needed more than a mother adhered to the couch for 7 months, unable to move without throwing up, unable to care for them.  But God had called me to trust Him and not only did I know that I should, I knew that my life would suffer from mediocrity if I didn’t.  On a purely human level, I also had a son who had been yearning for a little brother for seven years, and this little man of mine had been praying in faith that God would bless him with one! 

So I prayed.  I laid my heart before God, gave to Him my fears and asked for faith.  I also asked that if He wanted me to continue having children He would give me a good pregnancy so that I could follow his leading without dread!  I was desperate. 

One day as I was busily working in the kitchen it occurred to me that if I should get pregnant again, and should we have a boy, I should let my husband name him, a name that I had turned down FLAT from the first time he mentioned it.  For years he would casually bring up this name and I refused to even consider it! But in a moment, out of the blue, my heart changed completely and I knew that I had to give my husband his desire if we were ever so blessed.   And wouldn’t you know it?  Not a month later I became pregnant!  Now here’s the best part, I was violently sick for about a month, just the same as before, and I simply said, “ok, God, if this is how it has to be…”  During that time, my kids showed me just how helpful and loving they can be, as did my husband.  A number of friends offered to help in whatever way they could, and I found myself to be feeling very blessed by it all!  Then, a month later, the sickness was gone.  There were still some things that I couldn’t eat, or even think about, but I was fine!  I could climb the stairs (on my feet), I could move around, I could cook, I could eat, I even started gaining weight!  The only complaint that I had was how tired I felt, but never before had I gotten so much crocheting done or had so much snuggle time each and every day. 

  

When, at the ultra sound, that little 15 week old babe decided to “show off”, if you will, and reveal his gender, we couldn’t have been more awed by God’s goodness.  I giggled and cried tears of joy and excitement, while my husband sat in disbelief (I’m not sure he really believed it until he saw with his own eyes!), my little boy’s eyes welled up with tears right before he pretended to faint…and for the rest of my pregnancy that was all my kids wanted to talk about--their new little brother.  

Isn’t God good?

These answered prayers prompted me to reconsider the way that I viewed God.  I’m not saying that I doubted God’s goodness before, but I guess in a lot of ways I simply didn’t think about it.  I knew that God was good to have saved me, to have restored me a number of times when I struggled, but I think that I viewed God as more a giver of substance than frills.  I saw God as a loving Father who cared for us, protected us, and met our needs, and failed to see Him as a “daddy” who also enjoys giving us the desires of our hearts.  (He first trains us to desire according to His will then with joy He fulfills it; we then rejoice and thank Him and HE gets the glory!)

I feel that it’s important to note, before I continue, that while I’ve been learning about God’s goodness and while He has chosen to reveal it to me in this manner, it does not mean that this image is the totality of God.  He is also just and righteous, He also has a greater will and plan than we can see, and while he IS a God who loves us and longs to bless us for His glory, He also wants to use us for greater purposes.  Sometimes in being used of God we are not always comfortable, sometimes there is pain and suffering, often we need to be corrected, even broken to be conformed to His will…so as I share just how good He is, let it be in the back of your minds, and mine as well, that while He is this good when things are “good” He’s still as good when things don’t appear to us to be “good”.  He is the same yesterday, today, forever and even in difficult circumstances He is a loving daddy, it’s we who forget and change.

Even after recognizing that God does want to bless us beyond all that we could ever ask or even think, I had some other issues to face.  I understood now, a little bit more, who God is, but who I am still made me doubt His willingness to shower me with blessings.  I am, after all, still a sinner who struggles daily.  In the past I have sinned against Him so horribly that I’m still surprised He didn’t remove me from the earth just to stop me…so my salvation alone is truly enough for me.  I am overwhelmingly satisfied by His grace and mercy, and since I don’t even deserve that, how dare I ask for more?   

Here I must acknowledge that though I didn’t always dare to ask for blessings I didn’t think I deserved, God has never failed to blessed me above and beyond.  My entire life is a testament to His goodness; He has given me blessings I’d never asked for and hasn't withheld His goodness because I failed to ask.

But, I had to come to the understanding that just like God hasn’t forgiven me and saved me because of me, He doesn’t want to bless me because of me.  I am His child only through adoption in Christ.  This doesn’t mean that He loves me less, but without Christ I have to position!  Without Christ I’m not His daughter!  Without Christ I cannot stand boldly before the throne of grace to ask anything of Him!  God doesn’t want to bless us if we’re living perfect, righteous lives (because even the best of us can’t), He wants to bless us because we’re His children and what He sees in us is perfect and righteous because we are cleansed by the blood of the only perfect and righteous Son, Jesus.  And though He can and will give freely, He wants us to ask! and He wants us to know that we can!

So I began praying boldly that, as God had answered my prayers concerning the pregnancy, he would grant me a labor and delivery equally as miraculous.  I prayed daily with my husband, over my body, and very specifically, that I would have no pain in labor, that our baby would be in the right position, that everything would go according to His PERFECT plan because only He knew all the details, and that the delivery would be quick and easy, that the baby would not be harmed during the process and that I wouldn’t experience any complications.  We prayed even more specifically than that, but you get the idea!  I wrote up a birthing plan which consisted only of verses about God’s goodness, His promises to me, and I prayed those verses daily. 

Going into labor this time was most unusual for me.  With the other four children, my labors always began early and were very quick and intense; my water never broke naturally because they intervened at the hospital, which always precipitated an immediate delivery.  Immediate meaning within mere minutes!  Naturally, I was a little apprehensive about going into labor at home and not making it to the hospital, so we prayed that my water wouldn’t break until just the right time.

 

This time around, everything was so bizarre.  I labored on and off for weeks, having regular contractions often.  Because I had been praying for a pain free labor, every time the contractions became intense, I would pray and remind God what I was trusting Him for (not because He needed me to, but because I did!) and the pain would vanish.  I’ll admit that I was very frustrated towards the end because of all the “false alarms” and because I was STILL pregnant weeks after I expected to have my baby!  (I was pregnant a month longer this time than with my last!)  Every night we prayed that labor would begin and not stop, I was desperate to have that baby! But at the same time we begged for God’s perfect will because He knew best.  I struggled with which I wanted more!

When my labor finally began and I was sure that it wasn't another false alarm, we drove to the hospital.  Our families met us there on the morning of the 20^th, all expecting to meet the baby that morning.  12 hours later, I was dilated to eight centimeters but my water hadn’t broken and it seemed as though the progress had come to a standstill.  More than anything, I wanted this labor to be completely natural, moreover, Supernatural.  My other labors had been natural, drug free but not without medical intervention.  I wanted this one to happen exactly how God intended it and I had prayed accordingly for months.  When my midwife started talking about breaking my water, I explained that I wanted it to happen naturally, even if that meant waiting until the very end.  She reminded me that labor could go on forever if my water didn’t break (so very dramatic) and I assured her that it was fine with me if it did!  So far things had gone very well.  I was up walking and visiting with our families, enjoying the presence of my kids, and was in no pain at all…but when evening came and everyone started getting restless, I began to grow impatient.  My midwife had come by again and prompted me once more to consider letting her break my water to “get the show on the road”, and I was feeling pressured (and a little tired).  But because God had gotten me most of the way there without pain, however slowly, I looked forward to seeing how He would finish it.  Feeling guilty for how long everyone had waited so patiently that day, I called in my mom and my closest friend (and sister in law) to pray with my husband and me.  We prayed that if it was God’s will, my body would get down to business and finish the job soon. 

Now, when the third nurse had come on shift around 7 o’clock that evening and saw how things were going, she remarked about how wonderfully I was doing.  She said I was “amazing” as I sat there talking and smiling through strong contractions, almost fully dilated.  As I had promised, I gave God the glory and her face immediately brightened.  It turned out that she was a believer and she seemed very excited about what I was doing.  This nurse ended up being an example of how God will give us more than we can ask or think…I wanted so badly to be a testimony of God’s goodness and power to the people I came into contact with there, and in the end, God used this nurse to encourage me!  When she sensed how discouraged I was becoming, she reminded me to trust God, not to let anyone pressure me into changing my mind.   As I sat in the room with my family praying, she sat by us with her hand on me and prayed too.   We prayed fervently that my water would break naturally to satisfy my midwife and to “get her off my back” if you will!  

About a half hour passed and my water broke!  Because in the past my babies flew out immediately after, my midwife and nurse prepared for delivery immediately.  We praised God and did a little victory cheer (I’m sure my midwife thought we were nuts) and waited. Yet my little babe did NOT seem to like the change, and as though he knew what was coming he began to fight it!  We were all giggling, watching him wiggle around in my belly, my nurse and midwife said they’d never seen such an active baby during labor.  Apparently he was trying to keep himself in there a little longer, because he never moved down!  I picture him in there with his hands and legs outstretched shaking his head no, saying “uh uh.  I’m not leaving!”

After waiting a couple hours, my midwife checked to see if I had progressed any further.   I hadn’t.   

Furthermore, she said that the membrane was still intact!

How is that possible?   My water broke!!!!   

After having four children, I learn that, apparently, it can break in one more than one place, or there can even be more than one membrane surrounding the baby…::sigh::

Talk about discouraging.  I wasn’t sure what to think!  We had prayed and God answered our prayer, my water DID break on its own…but not in the right place, or not the right one.   

 ???  

I was pretty darn confused!  And felt tempted when asked again if I wanted to have the membrane that was holding my baby in place ruptured…

...but hadn’t I asked and wasn’t I trusting that God would do this thing from beginning to end?  

So, in faith, I decided to wait.  My midwife said that the  baby was "hammocked”  by the membrane that hadn’t ruptured and that’s why I wasn’t dilating further.  So, during the next few hours, we prayed and walked and climbed some stairs, trying to “help” our little man to put pressure on things, all the while having regular, painless contractions.  Waiting for God’s timing. My wonderful nurse continued to pray for and encourage me.  For some reason her words were more comforting than anyone elses.  Maybe because she was not only a sister in Christ and shared my conviction and faith, but also a “professional”, and her view as both helped me to process both what I was feeling and what I was being advised by my midwife.  Whatever the case, she was a tremendous blessing to me, such a sweet gift from a loving Father to provide what I needed before I knew I’d need it!

At around midnight on the 21^st, while all of our family was sleeping in the waiting room, my midwife came to check on me once again.  After all the walking and stair climbing and praying, I was very much afraid to be examines and to learn that nothing had progressed…how much patience could I have?  How long should I wait?  Then my water broke again!  Finally!  How relieved I felt at that moment! After a few contractions, I reluctantly let her examine me again…and nothing had changed….

Not only had nothing changed, the membrane was still intact!    

This child was bubble wrapped!!!! 


I was advised once again, that I should allow her to break the membrane as my water had broken hours ago and there was a risk of infection.   Now I was concerned as well as frustrated, but my nurse just smiled and told me that I was doing great and reminded me that my baby would come soon…but I was tired.  Physically, as I had been awake for 36+ hours, and emotionally.  Spiritually I felt like I was fighting a battle that made no sense to me, I didn’t know what I was fighting or what I was fighting for. 

I cried a little after my midwife left the room that time, and prayed.  My nurse laid her hand on my belly and prayed with me.  Then and there I decided to throw out a fleece.  I didn’t know if it would be a lack of faith to allow intervention, after all, God had already answered my prayer for my water to break naturally, twice!  So I prayed that if the baby didn't start coming on his own before she came back in the morning I would take it as a sign that I should let her intervene.  God could do it.  He could make it happen.  I prayed that He would. 

 

Then I slept.

At 5am on the 21^st, 28 hours after labor began, my midwife came in again.  She told me that having waited so long there was an increasingly high risk of infection, and firmly advised me to allow her to rupture that membrane.  I’ll admit that I was extremely disappointed.  I was too tired to process the situation, I was confused and drained, but I had prayed and thrown out that fleece…and now here we were.  So I relented.  I woke up my husband and mom and had them go to the waiting room to get our oldest daughter who had begged and begged to be there when the baby was born. 

 

After all that time I was still not fully dilated…even after she ruptured that final membrane, the baby still wouldn’t move down!  The contractions became intense and I prayed for God to just help me get through them.  I had lost faith that he would free me from the pain and all I wanted was to get it over with and hold my little boy.  I prayed out loud that God would forgive me for my lack of faith and that he would make this birth to be the most beautiful experience yet, that the joy of the moment would over-ride the pain.  

37 minutes later, I delivered my baby boy.  When I say that I delivered him, I mean it literally!  After his head and shoulders were delivered, I was in such a position that I could finish delivering him myself!  Who could ever imagine it? I certainly hadn't.  I grabbed his tiny body and pulled him to my chest.  

I was the very first one to hold my baby…and it was wonderful!  My husband, mother, and my daughter were all next to me with tear filled eyes as I laughed and cooed over him in my arms, and I was overwhelmingly flooded with joy.  

It was a wonderful, albeit confusing experience!  And it took me a while to process the whole thing, for while I was thankful for and impressed by a completely pain free labor, I wondered why it took so long and why my body didn’t function ‘effectively’.  I never did dilate beyond 8 cm, even during the delivery.  

It has occurred to me that if I had labored as quickly as I did in the past, I wouldn't have had the best nurse imaginable! and for the blessing she was, I am incredibly thankful.  

I was grateful that He had answered my prayers that my water would break naturally, but...even still, intervention was deemed "necessary".  How bizarre.  

I had hoped for a pain free delivery (if modern medicine can give you one, surely God can do so miraculously.  I still believe that!), and I wondered if I didn’t experience it because of my lack of faith in the end.   I struggled with the question of whether or not I gave in to fear and trusted in man instead of trusting in God when I allowed my midwife to intervene in the end. 

But here is the evidence of God’s goodness, even in spite of that possibility:  He gave me what I prayed for and what I trusted Him for and more.  In the end, I faltered, like Peter walking to Jesus on the water, but God gave me an incredible experience, and just as I had asked, the joy of the moment by far outweighed the intensity of the pain. Not only that, but out of a 28 hour labor, I only experienced about 20 minutes of pain!  That is nothing short of miraculous.  

What’s more is that I could feel His presence with me, and I believe everyone else in the room could too.  And, as I had prayed from the very beginning, my little boy was born healthy and whole, and I had no complications.  In fact, I felt great afterwards (with the exception of the cramps that follow the birth of child number five…whoah.  Next time that will be at the top of my prayer list!).  

I’m certain that there is even more that God wants me to take from this experience, there’s something more that I will learn about myself or about Him because of it.  And I hope that this testimony will give all who hear it cause to praise the One to whom glory is due!

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.  Romans 8:15